The Interlude (to The Final Forgiveness)
by ChristinaFay
Summary: A companion story for The Final Forgiveness. Years after a future Hermione left Severus after a summer together, Severus was still holding on to the tender memory. A story of his struggle since she left, and their journey together after the war.
1. Chapter 1

**_I am planning to have the following as a companion story (rather than a sequel) for The Final Forgiveness. My plan is to let this story build on the missing scenes and missing years from the original story and also address some unanswered questions. It could be read stand-alone by itself, but would probably make more sense if you read The Final Forgiveness first. This story picks up right after Chapter 6 of the original tale, and as you will soon discover, time always likes to play tricks in my stories._**

**_I am giving this story a try with the only hope that a "sequel" or a "companion" story could potentially be as interesting as the original one. But "potentially" is all I can say at this point... I am counting on your feedback and encouragement to guide me through this._**

**_All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling._**

* * *

**The Interlude**

_"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose."_

_~ Henry Ward Beecher_

**Chapter 1**

**_1991_**

For eight years, Severus Snape had wished summer would linger a little longer.

It all started from that one summer in what seemed to be a distant past. On that mid-summer day, fate, for a lack of more logical reasons, unexpectedly brought him a young woman, broken, dying. He saved her from her wounds, with his potions. In return, without even knowing what she'd done, she saved him from his self hatred and self destruction, with her kindness.

Since then, year after year, this was the time that brought him the memory of acceptance, of kindness, and of love. It seemed as if only during this time of the year, he could find peace in the empty castle; find peace in the quiet grounds; and find peace in his lonely shadow.

Everything about summer reminded him of her, a young woman that was beautiful and clever, a young woman that was forgiving and kind, a young woman whose name was Hermione Granger.

When the mild summer breeze brushed against his face, he could smell the sweet honey fragrance of her hair. When he took his morning walk by the lake, he could hear her whispering his name among the sighing trees. When he admired the bright blue sky cradled in the deep black lake, he could see her smile in the soft rippling wake.

This time of the year, he always thought of her.

He remembered her bringing him flowers, the kind of wild ones blooming in the Hogwarts grounds. She taught him that there was nothing wrong with allowing something pleasant into his life. She convinced him that life was not a punishment, but a journey full of choices.

She surprised him with scones she made the muggle way in the house elves' kitchen (she was the only one he had ever known that made friends with house elves). He could not remember any other pastries that ever tasted better than her scones. They were her mother's recipe, she had told him. And that reminded him of the meaning of home.

She showed him that friendship was always forged upon trust. When they noticed a silver grey unicorn wandering around the outskirt of the Forbidden Forest one day, she waited patiently and offered the creature an apple.

"Unicorns cannot be tamed." He remembered warning her. "And I wouldn't be so trusting around him if I were you."

"I don't mean to tame him. I just want to be his friend." She answered. "And if I want him to trust me, how can I not trust him?" Somehow he didn't think the unicorn was the only one she was referring to.

And she was right; the beautiful creature slowly began to trust them. He eventually let them pat him, and even gave them a short ride in the enchanted land. Snape would never forget the beautiful sight when she stood by the lake, stroking the majestic unicorn's silver mane.

"I think we should call him Shadowfax." She said one day, and she went on to explain that Shadowfax was the lord of all horses in a muggle novel called the Lord of the Rings. He soon realized that she was a very good storyteller. It always brought a smile to his face when he remembered the stories she told him from the book. It took her days to finish telling him those stories, and they nicknamed their story time together "Shadowfax time".

She also knew many stories about the castle, and she blushed when he asked just how many times she had read the book "Hogwarts: A History". Yet she was always curious to know more. It flattered him when he could share with her something that she did not already know. She was always interested in his opinions, his opinions about art, his opinions about history, his opinions about politics, his opinions about pretty much everything. But she did not always agree, and was not very easily convinced. She challenged him, and would only accept his arguments if he could prove himself right. She was his equal, yet she made him feel special.

He often wondered if he deserved to hold on to the memory of her, of the time that they spent together. She knew him, everything about him: his past, his mistakes, his guilty deeds. Yet she accepted him and forgave him. She had told him that she "admired" him, for the choice that he had made, and the "things" he would do in the future. And that was when she granted him a purpose to live. He was determined to do those "things", those "things" that would allow him redemption, and make a beautiful young woman like her forgive him, accept him, and, love him.

Just as he always looked forward to the summer months, he always dreaded the end of it. The end of the holiday always reminded him of the day when she left. He remembered that day too well. Moments before she left, she kissed him, and told him that she loved him. He wished he had the courage to say the same to her. But he didn't. He still wasn't sure, even after so many years. Did he deserve to be loved? And then there was the one last thing she might have revealed without even realizing it. His instinct had told him that he would not be living to the day when she returned to the future, with the memory of their summer together. His instinct had told him, that the day when she left him, marked the day that he lost her.

One's heart could be terribly stubborn even when one's mind was clear. Severus Snape understood this human weakness far too well. He had always known that when she next reappeared in his life in the future she would be his student, and would have no knowledge of their past together. But he still hoped that he could hang on to her somehow. The thought that he would see her again made his heart swell. And the idea that maybe she could still accept him as a friend gave him hope while he waited all those years.

It was this hope that made the end of this summer a little easier.

For the first time in years, Snape didn't mind the early autumn rain. He even appreciated the colors of the changing leaves as he eagerly anticipated the start of term. He didn't think anyone would know his secret contemplation, until a note was delivered to him by Fawkes: Dumbledore would like a word with him.

"Good afternoon Severus!" the Headmaster greeted him cheerfully as soon as Snape set foot in his office. "I do hope you had a nice summer holiday?"

"Not bad, Albus. Thanks for asking." Snape was never into small talk. However, with Dumbledore, he never had much of a choice. "You wish to see me?" He tried to get to the point.

"Ah, yes. I just wanted to see if my potions master is ready for the new term."

"We both know that was not the reason you wanted to see me." Snape answered coolly. "But if you must know, there are many other things I would rather do than dealing with the dunderheads."

Dumbledore only chuckled at his answer. "You do realize who will be joining us this year?" The headmaster's eyes twinkled behind his half-moon spectacles.

"It is indeed difficult not to notice when the entire staff has been discussing his arrival. The boy will soon realize that fame is not going to buy him favor from everyone, at least not from me. No arrogance and attention seeking behaviors will be tolerated in my classroom." A sense of bitterness was clear in Snape's voice.

"Why do you expect Harry Potter to be arrogant and self-centered? You are only seeing what you choose to see. In fact, excuse me, you haven't even met the boy yet, have you, Severus?" The smile never left Dumbledore's face as he spoke.

"He will be just like his father." Snape murmured.

"We will have to see about that." Dumbledore turned and walked next to Fawkes, who was observing the two curiously. "But Harry Potter was not the one I was referring to earlier."

Snape did not say a word. He suddenly realized where the headmaster was going with this conversation.

"Miss Granger will be joining us this evening, together with all the other first-year students." Dumbledore said quietly while stroking Fawkes' colorful feathers. "I am curious to know how you feel about that."

"She does not have the knowledge of our past. She will only get to know me as her professor. That is all." Snape answered in his cool smooth voice.

"Is that all for _you_, Severus?"

"I will treat her the same as all the other students. She is a child Albus, and I do not see anything more than that. So to answer your question, yes, that is all for me."

Dumbledore's gentle gaze lingered on Snape briefly before he said, "If you ever want to talk to anyone about it, my door is always open."

"Thank you Albus, although I do not see the need for any further discussion regarding this matter." Snape nodded curtly at the headmaster before turning to leave, "I will see you tonight at the feast."

With that, the Potions Master walked down the castle corridor with his black cloak billowing behind him, and a new chapter of his life waiting ahead of him, in the Great Hall.

* * *

He had expected her to be a good student. He had expected her to be exceptionally intelligent. What he did not expect was how challenging her presence could be when she was in his class.

At first, he could barely see the Hermione Granger that he knew from years ago. After all, this girl with wild brown hair was still a child, a child that was far different from the witty, clever, and sometimes mischievous young woman that he remembered all so well. But then he made the mistake of looking into her eyes. Those eyes... They were the same beautiful, curious, and kind honey brown eyes that once looked back gently at him by the lake in the distant summer.

Apparently it was a habit of the girl's to keep her eyes on the teacher when she was paying attention to the subject in class. He had heard the same comments about her from other teachers. However, this habit of hers quickly became an absolute distraction for him. Every time when she was in the room, those eyes reminded him of the different person that the little girl would eventually grow up to be. Whenever she was around, his mind was constantly occupied by the memory of the young woman he met in that distant past.

He tried to ignore the girl. But she wouldn't allow it.

She was always the first one to raise her hand every time when he asked a question. She looked at him eagerly with those beautiful eyes, waiting for him to call on her. Why did she have to know all the answers! He tried all the tactic he could think of: he pretended he didn't see her hand high up in the air; he made snarly comments on her and her friends; he even deducted points from her house to discourage her enthusiasm. Yet nothing worked. Noting could stop Hermione Granger from jumping on every question with a perfect answer. Nothing could stop her from getting his attention from the beginning to the end of a lesson.

Finally one day he could no longer hold back his anger at his own weakness, and he bellowed, "You are such an insufferable know-it-all!"

She quickly turned quiet. He could see the glistening tears in her eyes. The corner of his eyes twitched and he quickly looked away. It was not his intention to scare her. He was more upset with himself than with her. He was furious because he realized he was losing control with his own emotions.

Severus Snape was a man that would never lose control over anything. He quickly reassessed the situation and regained his composure. He was a master of concealment after all, and he knew just what to do to distant himself from the distraction. As he slowly pulled himself away from those powerful feelings, he could sense all the possible future friendship with the girl slowly slipping away from his grasp.

His heart clinched with a familiar pain as he watched her run out of the classroom without a backward glance. What had he done? A part of him wished he had never known, had never cared, and had never loved.

* * *

**_Let me know if this is worth continuing... I appreciate your reviews and comments..._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks for your reviews and comments, as well as adding the story to your alerts and favorites. You have no idea how important your feedback is for me.  
**_

_**All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling.**_

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**Chapter 2**

By the time when the first leaf began to fall at the end of the following summer, the memory of the distant past became Severus Snape's deepest secret. He finally let his mind declare victory over his heart, and locked his feelings safely behind those cold dark eyes.

When the students returned from their summer holiday, they were once again greeted by the most intimidating Potions Master in his grumpiest mood. Professor Snape could no longer be distracted by the girl named Hermione Granger. He had finally convinced himself that she was not the young woman he had known, but only his student, and a close friend of the trouble maker Gryffindor, Harry Potter.

And that was the last remaining challenge for Snape's internal battle: Harry Potter. The boy seemed to have an ability to attract trouble like a magnet. Ever since Potter's first Quidditch game, Snape had noticed how easily the boy can be targeted. When trouble was not finding him, the boy had a knack to go searching for it. It was Snape's promise to watch over the boy, so he had no complaints about this challenging task. However, what bothered him more and more was the danger brought by Harry Potter to those who were close to him, more specifically, Hermione Granger.

Snape's patience was wearing thin in the previous school year when he found a troll in the same room with Hermione and the boys who she claimed to be there rescuing her. He was further disturbed when he found her barely avoiding a face-to-face encounter with Voldemort. There must be some solutions to the situation. And Snape thought he found one when the Potter boy arrived at Hogwarts in a flying Ford Anglia.

"I still think Potter should be expelled. When was the last time a student came to Hogwarts in a flying car?" Snape followed Dumbledore into the his office after the headmaster left the boy's fate in McGonagall's hands.

"As I said, it is not your decision to make, Severus. Harry is not from your House." Dumbledore answered cheerfully.

"But _you_ could have made the decision. The Headmaster of Hogwarts could have easily made the decision. And in fact, you still can!" Snape pressed on.

"What good would it do to expel Harry? He is a wizard and he deserves a chance to learn magic. You and I both know perfectly well that it might not have been his fault that he had to make his entrance in such an extraordinary way." The headmaster smiled.

"That's exactly my point. Have you ever considered, Albus," Snape said through clentched teeth, "that perhaps it is too dangerous for Potter to come to Hogwarts."

"What other alternatives are you suggesting?" Dumbledore looked at him curiously.

"He should be sent to some Order member's house, maybe the Weasleys. That young Weasley boy could have made a perfect company for Potter if you expel them both at the same time. They can then... I don't know... be home-schooled." An idea suddenly came to Snape.

"Home-schooled... That's an interesting idea." A mischievous smile spread across the headmaster's face. "Because of the potential danger Harry is facing, we would need a very capable wizard to be his teacher if he is home-schooled. This wizard would need to have the ability and loyalty that I can trust." Dumbledore stoke his long white beard as he glanced over at Snape with a playful look in his eyes, "What do you think about this arrangement Severus: we send him to _you_. And _you_ will be his guardian and private tutor during the school year when he is not with his aunt and uncle."

Snape couldn't believe his ears and stared wide-eyed at the older wizard. "That has to be the most absurd suggestion I can ever imagine!"

"Yes indeed! I completely agree! It is absolutely absurd! " Dumbledore chuckled. "So now we are settled. Harry will not be expelled. And answer me this Severus, is Harry's safety really the reason why you wanted to send him away? Or is it somebody else's well-being that is on your mind?"

Snape took a deep breath and slowly stepped away from the headmaster. There was no secret he could hide from the old man.

"Listen to me Severus. We are very fortunate that Harry Potter found a friend in Miss Granger. We all know how clever the girl is. We cannot be constantly watching over Harry. This is the best arrangement we can ever hope for: having the smartest witch of her age accompanying him through his quests. Try to think of her as your ally Severus, like she once was when you first met her in the past."

Snape wanted to retort and say that it was impossible for him to think of her that way. However he also knew it would be a losing battle arguing with the headmaster. Certain things were better kept unsaid. So he simply nodded curtly, without saying another word.

"Very well, Severus. I shall expect an uneventful term with your watchful eye on Harry."

Snape left the headmaster's office feeling quite uneasy. He did not like the prospect of seeing Hermione being the first line of defense for Harry Potter, who seemed to find himself in some sort of grave danger every other day. He would indeed keep an watchful eye over the boy, and more importantly, over the girl with the honey brown eyes.

* * *

The rain outside the castle on this particular early winter day did not suppress the excitement in the corridor. A group of fifth-year girls had the newly appointed Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lockhart, cornered on his way to class.

"No need to worry young ladies. Get in line and I will be happy to autograph all of your creative art projects celebrating me..." Lockhart was quite pleased to see the crowd, and was not at all concerned about the students waiting for him in the classroom.

Snape was not surprised by the scene as he approached the group from a distance. It had been apparent that Lockhart's star power was taking quite some time to wear off among the teenage girls. What surprised him however, was to see a girl with bushy brown hair standing patiently in line, with a piece of paper clutching tightly in her hand.

Snape watched in amusement as Lockhart took the paper from Hermione's hand and marked it with his extravagant signature. As soon as he was done, the girl quickly folded the paper and carefully tucked it into her bag. Snape suddenly realized, the fool didn't just sign another piece of fan art, but rather, something that looked more like a permission slip. His suspicion was further confirmed as he watched Hermione exchanging a smile with the two boys waiting for her from a short distance. Just when he was about to say something, everyone was surprised by a sudden camera flash right in Harry's face. Colin Creevey's camera seemed to have added a flurry of excitement among the group. The chattering girls quickly turned their attention to the little boy. Snape could see the cogs turning in their heads, planning for a picture opportunity with the famous author with bright white teeth.

"I have not expected this school to attract so many celebrities." Snape quietly walk by the crowd and spoke in his cold smooth voice. "Should I make arrangements for a press conference in the corridor?"

Nothing could have extinguished the excitement quicker than his icy cold words. The students quickly scattered in all directions, leaving behind a deserted hallway within seconds.

Snape didn't even bother exchanging another word with Lockhart as he walked passed him and made his way towards his office. His eyes however never left the girl who ran away with her clever acquisition. He wondered what kind of trouble she was going to get into next. Perhaps, he suddenly realized, Harry Potter was not the only trouble maker that would make his life miserable.

* * *

Snape's head was about to explode after the potions class with the second-year students. He might not need to worry about anybody's safety after all. He was sure that one of these days everyone's life would come to an abrupt end when either Mr. Seamus Finnigan successfully blew up the entire school, or Mr. Neville Longbottom managed to produce enough toxic fume in his cauldron that would suffocate everyone within the proximity of the Hogwarts grounds.

As he pressed his fingers deep into his temples, he heard a soft knock on his office door.

"Enter." He growled, and watched in amazement as Hermione Granger walked timidly into his office. "What do you want?" He snarled, as an effort to cover his surprise.

She stood in silence for a short moment before asking in a quite voice, "Professor... may I ask you a question?"

"What is it?" He glared at her with his deep dark eyes.

She seemed to be quite nervous and was struggling to find the words.

"Hurry up. I don't have all day." He barked.

"I was reading about polyjuice potion..." She began.

"That is not in the second-year curriculum." He interrupted.

"I understand... Sir..." She hesitated briefly but went on, "I was only doing some light reading and came across this potion."

The phrase _light reading_ suddenly brought back those memories of their first encounter years ago. Snape held his breath.

"I was just wondering... would there be any side effect if I... I mean if one was to replace boomslang skin with black mamba skin while brewing this potion."

"There would be no side effect at all." Snape answered coolly, "Except for the hassle of cleaning up after a cauldron of completely useless green muck." He couldn't help his curiosity so he went on and asked, "Just why would you... would anyone want to replace the ingredient, Miss Granger?"

"I was wondering if a different venomous snake skin could be a comparable replacement, because I realized that boomslang skin is very rare and difficult to come by. I would have no idea how to get it if..." Hermione suddenly stopped in mid-sentence, realizing the her own carelessness in guarding her secret plans.

It was a feeble attempt to keep her secret from Severus Snape. He slowly got up from his seat and turned to have his back facing her, so that she wouldn't see the corner of his lips slowly turning up into a small smile. He realized that the permission slip she tricked Lockhart into signing had given her access to certain books in the restricted section in the library, and wondered what the girl wanted to do with the polyjuice potion that she was about to brew.

Knowing that it would be far more dangerous to use the wrong ingredients than actually trying out the magic of using the potion, Snape contemplated his options. After a moment of consideration he said, still in his cool smooth voice, with his back facing her, "It all depends on who was to brew this potion. If I, for example, happen to be the one brewing it, I would simply get all the ingredients from my private storage."

He then turned around and looked into her eyes intensely. "Miss Granger," He went on, "Do be careful with what you read and what you intend to experiment."

The girl shivered under his intimidating gaze and nodded nervously.

"Any other questions?" He drawled.

She shook her head quickly and disappeared into the corridor outside his office before he could speak another word. Snape soon began to second guess his own judgement. He wondered if he had just encouraged more risky activities that would soon make him regret. As a preventative measure, he would for sure double the wards to his private store.

* * *

Severus Snape was searching the castle all night long, looking for the monster, or whatever it might be. Seeing Hermione having a little accident with the polyjuice potion was one thing; seeing her being the latest victim petrified by the mysterious attacker was far too difficult for him to take. He had been blaming himself all day as if it was all his fault leading to her injury.

By the time he came to the hospital wing it was well past midnight. He quietly walked to the bed by the window, and found Hermione's stiff body lying awkwardly facing the ceiling. He closed his eyes as he stood next to her and felt a wave of guilt washed over him. How could he let this happen to her! He took a deep breath and finally found the strength to look at the girl. Gently he touched the back of her hand with his pale long fingers. "I'm so sorry Hermione." He whispered, "I promise I won't let you ever get hurt again." He was quickly ashamed by the empty promise he just gave her. How was he going to ensure her safety? What was he going to do?

When he finally returned to his private quarter he closed the door quietly behind him and leaned against it. He was exhausted. He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. He felt a terrible sense of despair. This was going to be an uphill battle. He was not sure how he would handle the stress. No matter how his mind kept lying to his heart, and pretending that he did not care, he could not help but worrying constantly about her. What had happened to her that day was a nightmare finally came true. What would happen next? He didn't dare to guess.

A sweet honey fragrance suddenly caught his attention. He quickly opened his eyes and was surprised to notice a strange misty haze lingering in his room. Slowly, he saw a slender figure walking towards him from the opposite end of the room. It was a young woman, a young woman with wavy long brown curls, dressed in a silvery white night gown.

"I've been waiting for you." She smiled at him.

"Miss Granger?" He could not believe his eyes.

But he quickly realized he was mistaken. This was not the girl he just saw in the hospital wing. In fact, this was not the school girl in his class at all. This was the young woman that had been occupying his mind all these years.

"Hermione!" He quickly walked over to her and gathered her tight in his strong arms. He did not understand what was happening. Maybe he had finally lost his mind. But he quickly decided that he did not care. He would hang on to the every presence of her as long as he could, even if this was all an illusion from his own imagination.

"Is it really you or am I going mad?" He finally asked in a husky voice.

"You are not mad Severus, no." she whispered back, "I am as real as you want me to be."

"But how?" He was thoroughly confused. He slowly let go of her from his embrace and looked into those beautiful honey brown eyes.

"Just for once, Severus, don't try to find the answer." She kissed him on his lips and stopped him from talking. Slowly he closed his eyes and gave in to her deepening kiss. He felt her delicate fingers running through his silky hair. He sensed her taking his hand and leading him to the sofa by the window. He let her hands run down his shoulders and felt all the urgency from the world around him slowly escaping from his body and mind.

"Remember Severus, I love you." He heard her whispering, "Don't give up on us... Don't worry... Believe in me... I will be fine... I love you Severus... Remember, I love you... Somnia somnium parvum..." The warmth of her body slowly surrounded him, and guided him towards the land of dreams.

He woke up the following morning lying in his bed, still in his coat. He couldn't remember what exactly happened the night before. It had to be a dream, he thought. "Stress and exhaustion would do that to you." He said to himself with a sigh. Slowly he broke into a sad smile as he remembered her gentle touches, those magical touches... even as a dream she lightened his heart, and brought him the hope that he thought he had finally lost.

As he got up from the bed, he could have sworn he smelt the familiar sweet honey scent. If there was a way, he would do anything to have that dream again...

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_**I am going to keep the secret just a little bit longer... I hope I am not boring you so far. Look forward to your reviews and comments!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_****__**All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling. If you recognize it, I don't own it.**_

_**I've always believed that there was a reason for everything that he did, even when they seemed completely unreasonable.**_

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**Chapter 3**

**1994, Hogwarts**

"_YOU DON'T KNOW POTTER! HE DID IT, I KNOW HE DID IT!_"

Severus Snape was furious. Anger was burning through his veins and rage was blurring his vision. He did not care if Sirius Black was innocent, he did not care if Remus Lupin forgot his potion and would soon be sorry when he regained his human form, and he did not care if Peter Pettigrew was still alive and had gone to the aid of the Dark Lord. They were all equally guilty as far as Snape's concern. It was one of them that betrayed Lily, while the other two did nothing to protect their own friends. And it was them that brought danger to Hermione, right in front of his very eyes!

All Snape could think of at this moment was that a werewolf threatened her earlier that night and the dementors almost did something that would be worse than killing her. Where was the responsible Lupin and where was the capable Black when you need them! When there was no one left to be held responsible, Harry Potter was the most obvious choice for Snape to place his blame. Why did the boy have to attract so much trouble? Why did he have to put his friends in such danger!

As Snape stormed out of the hospital wing he heard Cornelius Fudge mumbling to Dumbledore, "Fellow seems quite unbalanced. I'd watch out for him if I were you, Dumbledore."

"Oh, he's not unbalanced. He's just suffered a severe disappointment." Dumbledore answered.

Snape sneered at their comments. They did not understand him. No one understood him, not even Dumbledore. It was not about some silly medal. It was not about bearing a grudge against a bully from the school days. It was far beyond that. How could anyone stay "balanced" after witnessing a life threatening event happening to the one person that meant so much to him!

By the time Snape got to the Slytherin common room he was so enraged that he could barely maintain a coherent thought. The few early risers in the common room were quite surprised to see the head of their house visiting at such an early hour. The young Slytherins immediately quieted their chatters and watched timidly as Snape strode into the center of the room. A couple of first-years shivered upon seeing the menacing expression in the professor's face.

"How disappointing." He began through clenched teeth. "All of you... you lazy, ignorant lot!" He growled. "When will you ever do your homework and learn the basics! You can't even recognize a werewolf if he's standing right in front of you, can you!" He bellowed.

Audible gasps immediately filled the room and Snape stared at the students with his icy gaze. A few seconds later he began again, but now in his cold smooth voice, "For your information, your current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is, has been, and will always remain, a werewolf."

With that he quietly left the room. The murmuring exploded behind him as him and his billowing black cloak disappeared in the corridor.

He let his legs carry him back to his quarter, with his mind going completely blank. He closed the door behind him and let out a deep sigh. He hadn't been so angry for a very very long time. He had forgotten how taxing it was for the body when he let rage take over his conscience. It was, indeed, a moment of weakness. And now, it was too late. The consequences were out of his control. The damage could no longer be undone. He took off his cloak and sank into his chair. He buried his face in his hands and closed his eyes.

After what felt like ages, he got up and walked to his cupboard. From the deepest corner of the lowest shelf, he pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey. He couldn't recall when the last time it was when he drank alone. It had always been during those social gatherings with people like Lucius Melfoy when he picked up the glass. He had always considered it a weakness to resort to alcohol for one's problems. Weakness... just like his father. His father... the thought of him brought another wave of anger through his veins. He stared at the glass of golden liquid that he just poured himself, but hesitated. Had he finally lost all of his strength, his self control, his discipline, his purpose? Was it really his destiny to follow his father's steps and rely on the liquid in the bottle to free himself from his own demons? Weakness... Such weakness...

Suddenly, a soft knock on his door interrupted his dark thoughts. He held his breath. Perhaps he was hearing things. But then the person knocked again.

It's probably Dumbledore. Snape thought to himself. The Headmaster must be terribly disappointed and might just want to voice his distaste of his earlier action. Or it could be Harry Potter, standing on the other side of the door getting ready to punch him in the face, for ousting his favorite teacher. Or it could be Lupin. Knowing Lupin, he was probably here to thank him for the wolfsbane potion that he brewed him all year and to tell him that he would not hate him.

"Liar." Snape murmured to his own perception of the werewolf.

He took a deep breath and decided to ignore the knocking. "Go away!" he grunted.

The knocking stopped. Snape let out a sigh. He would deal with damage control later, maybe tomorrow, if he couldn't avoid facing it. But now, all he wanted was solitude, because nothing else could have saved him from the uncontrollable emotions consuming him from within.

Suddenly he heard the wards on his door unlocked from outside. He frowned. No one knew his secret code. And he was sure he locked it after he came back. He reached in his coat pocket for his wand and turned to face the door.

As the door slowly opened, a young woman came through the archway. Her long brown curls fell gracefully down her shoulders. She was wearing a short-sleeve shirt and a pair of capri pants, as if she just took a walk by the beach. Her honey brown eyes fixed upon him, full of concern. Severus watched intently at her. Were his eyes playing tricks on him? How could this be? He hadn't even started drinking yet.

"Hermione?" His voice was tentative, he wasn't sure.

She smiled at him and closed the door behind her.

Could this be a dream again? It was as if she read his mind. "Severus, my love. It's alright. I understand."

"So this is a dream..." He let out a quiet laugh and said to himself bitterly. Of course, it all made sense. The Hermione Granger that he saw the night before would not understand. Just like her other friends, including, Lily's son, the girl would only hate him for what he did.

She didn't answer; instead, she walked quietly to him. She brushed away the frown between his furrowed brows and cupped his face with her small hands. He closed his eyes and leaned down to her, resting his forehead on hers. He soon found himself enveloped in the sweet honey fragrance from her hair. The scent was intoxicating.

"I'm sorry... I was so worried.. I was so angry... I..." he choked on his words.

Silently a couple of his teardrops escaped and landed softly on her cheeks. Only with her he was free to be himself, even if she was just a dream. Once again he gave in to his heart. He held on tight to her as if she was the last thing he could hold on to in life itself.

"Shhhh..." he felt her hands gently rubbing his back and shoulders. "It will be alright at the end. Everyone will understand Severus. It's okay." Her gentle words began to sooth his senses. "Things are more difficult ahead of us." She went on, "I need you to be strong. Remember me. Remember us. You must be strong!"

He shook his head and replied in a barely audible murmur, "But I am not. I am weak. I am a coward."

"No!" She pushed herself out of his embrace and looked at him straight in the eyes, "You are not a coward Severus. You are the bravest man I have ever known! Remember what I told you, what I told you years ago. You are our hope. You are my hope!"

He let out a shaky cry and quietly he whispered, "I love you Hermione. You have no idea. I should have told you... You don't know how much I love you." He dropped his head and hid his eyes behind the curtain of his shoulder length hair.

"Yes I know." She smiled gently at him. She brushed his soft dark hair aside so that she once again found his deep dark eyes. "I love you too, Severus. And I always will."

His senses relaxed upon her touches and he soon found himself giving in to the softness of her kisses and the welcoming bed...

"Somnia somnium parvum..." she whispered. And that was the last thing he heard before falling into a dreamless slumber.

Hours later he would wake up to an empty bed with a lingering scent of sweet honey, and a glass of firewhiskey on the table, untouched.

* * *

**1999, A Remote Island in the Bahamas**

A large clear bubble quietly popped on the powdery white sandy beach. The gentle ocean waves quickly washed away Hermione's soft footprints as she made her way back to the seaside cottage. She walked across the garden and entered through the French doors leading to the study, and found the journal still lying on the table.

"Shadowfax." She said quietly. The journal closed itself and a dozen wards suddenly became visible and quickly began to conceal the entire journal, reminding Hermione the magic wards guarding a Gringotts vault.

"Slytherins." She smiled to herself, remembering the day when he gave her the journal at the end of their honeymoon trip.

_"A present for me?" She remembered her excitement when he brought her a package wrapped in a piece of light sage green parchment. "What's the occasion? What is this for?"_

_"Do I need a reason?" He replied with a question._

_He watched quietly as she opened the package, revealing a leather-bound notebook._

_Seeing her slightly confused expression he began to explain, "This was to be given to you after the war, as it was stated in my will. But somehow the insufferable know-it-all had to meddle with certain future events," a small smile twinkled in his eyes, "so the delivery was delayed. You told me the other day that you felt like you lost many years when we could have been together. So I thought it's time to give it to you."_

_She looked at him curiously and returned a small smile. Then she looked down to study the notebook, but found no opening to it. "It's locked." She looked back at him._

_"Yes," he answered, "I locked it in a way that only you will know how to open it. The code was not even included in my will because no one else needs to know. Remember, you were supposed to receive this after you returned from your trip to the past, when we had a summer together." He didn't say another word before turning to leave the room. It was as if watching her opening the notebook and reading it would be an unbearably embarrassing experience for him._

_It didn't take her long. She had always remembered the every minute she spent with him. Their own secrets... she considered all the possibilities, and remembered. "Shadowfax." She whispered._

_The magic obeyed her command instantly. The notebook opened itself right in front of her. And that was when she followed his handsome handwriting and learned his deepest emotions and hardest struggles in the past fifteen years._

_The journal was not written in the form of letters. They were postings of his own thoughts. Yet it was clear that he was trying to explain his feelings and his thoughts. And it was all done for one reason, so that one day she would see it, and would understand._

_She cried as she read through the pages. He had opened his heart to her. And she suddenly realized, this was the other missing piece for the puzzle of her final task._

Quietly Hermione put the locked journal away in the drawer and entered the bedroom. With a wave of her wand she changed into her night gown. She slowly climbed into bed but was not able to stop the slumbering wizard from stirring in his sleep. She brushed aside his long dark hair and placed a gentle kiss on his temple. He smiled, but didn't open his eyes.

"What were you doing?" He asked.

"I was doing some light reading." She answered.

"You and your light reading." He murmured quietly and took her into his arms.

She rested her head on his firm chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeats. She wanted to tell him where she went. But not yet... It was a task that she must first complete.

"Good night Severus. I love you." She whispered.

"Likewise." He wrapped his arms tight around her, "Good night."

She shook her head inwardly. How stubborn... He just didn't seem to be able to say those three words. Well... at least he said it in his "dreams", she smiled to her memory from a little while ago. Words didn't mean much anyway. After all, she knew exactly what it was like to be loved by him.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

_**All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling. If you recognize it, it's not mine.**_

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"You know what you need to do." Dumbledore said solemnly.

So this was it... This was what the future Hermione Granger meant by the things he would do... Severus Snape nodded curtly before leaving the Headmaster's office.

Ever since the mark on his left arm steadily became darker and more prominent months ago, he had been anticipating this to happen. When the dark mark burned in his skin earlier that night, he knew instantly, that the time had finally come. Voldemort had once again returned. The war had begun.

The cemetery was eerily quiet when Snape arrived in a swirl of black smoke. Slowly he approached the dark wizard dressed in a grey cloak. Voldemort was standing by a tombstone with his back facing Snape. Peter Pettigrew was standing by his side, observing Snape carefully.

"Severus, you are late." Voldemort said quietly in his cold voice.

Before Snape could say a word, the Dark Lord suddenly turned around and pointed his wand at Snape, "Crucio!" He called out.

A wave of excruciating pain shot through Snape's spine and radiated through every nerve of his body. He fell down to his knees and shivered in pain. He bit his lips hard so that he wouldn't scream. Trying his best to stop his body from the uncontrollable tremble, he looked up and found Voldemort's two red eyes staring at him.

"Is this how you show your loyalty to your Lord Severus?" Voldemort began again in his cold high voice. "Were you afraid to offend your new master? Is that why you are late?"

Pettigrew seemed to be encouraged by his master's words. He quickly walked over to the wizard that was still shivering in pain and kicked him swiftly in his ribs. Knocking Snape down to the ground, Pettigrew spat, "Traitor! Coward!"

The sudden attack briefly knocked the wind out of Snape and made him struggle for air. But much to Pettigrew's disappointment, Snape didn't let out a single scream or even a whimper. He slowly pushed himself up from the ground and stared at the balding wizard with an icy glare. The presence of Pettigrew simply disgusted him.

It took Snape a few moments to catch his breath and find his voice. Calmly, he said to Voldemort, "My Lord, only a coward would spend twelve years hiding as a rat. Only a fool would waste the valuable time in Azkaban. I have been waiting patiently all these years. I am sure you would appreciate what I have to offer you, my Lord."

Voldemort narrowed his eyes upon Snape and hissed, "Just what exactly do you have to offer me? Please, Severus, do enlighten me!"

"For twelve years I have positioned myself deep into Dumbledore's inner circle. I have been observing every move of his and his followers. I know his plans, my Lord. And I know his weakness." Snape answered.

"So what exactly is Dumbledore's weakness, Severus?" Snape's answer seemed to interest Voldemort. He took a few steps closer to Snape and asked darkly.

Slowly Snape brought himself back to his feet and he answered, "Dumbledore is weak. He cares too much about others. He is too trusting. And above all, he trusts me, more than anyone else around him. That, my Lord, makes me your most valuable weapon against him."

Pettigrew was startled by a sudden burst of wicked laughter from Voldemort. "Very good Severus! I like your answers. I think you just past the first test. But answer me this," the Dark Lord suddenly quieted his laughter and turned quite serious, "How do I know that you are not still holding a grudge against me for killing that little mudblood girlfriend of yours?"

Snape swallowed, and answered in his cool smooth voice, "That was a long time ago my Lord. People change. And those sort of things can be replaced."

"Really?" Voldemort asked in an unusually calm voice as he studied Snape in silence. Suddenly, without warning, he took hold of Snape's long black hair and pulled his head towards him, with his red eyes bearing into Snape's deep dark ones.

Snape immediately felt the Dark Lord's mind penetrating his own. He took a deep breath and blinked.

Voldemort's attempt was met by an icy cold shield behind those deep dark eyes. He couldn't get beyond the mundane memories of Snape's daily routines. Frustrated, he let go of the dark-hair wizard roughly.

"So is it true then?" Voldemort began again in his high pitch voice, "Lucius told me that you met a witch from Durmstrang?"

Malfoy... Snape gritted his teeth. The coward would try to use any information to climb up the ranks with the Dark Lord. "Lucius' information seems to be often, how should I say, outdated." He answered coolly. "That was also a very long time ago, my Lord. And she was just one of the many."

Voldemort burst into another maniacal laughter, "One of the many? My my... Severus, I have to say, you do surprise me sometimes!" He circled Snape slowly and nodded to himself, seemed to be satisfied by the exchange. "Very well. In time, we shall see what you can do for me. I sure hope you will not disappoint me."

"Most certainly not, my Lord." Snape replied obediently.

Voldemort nodded again and began to make his way back towards the edge of the cemetery, with Pettigrew scurrying behind. After walking a few steps away, the Dark Lord suddenly turned around and raised his wand again at Snape. "Crucio." He bellowed.

Snape was knocked down again to his knees by the unexpected curse. This time a small cry betrayed him and escaped between his clenched teeth.

"Consider this a fair warning, Severus. Do remember who your master is." Voldemort said coldly, "You and all the others are the same. You are all feeble moths in my hands. I would not play with fire if I were you."

The Dark Lord soon disappeared into the darkening night, leaving Severus Snape trembling to get back on his feet. This was nothing, he thought to himself. This was much better than he had anticipated. This was only the first step down the dangerous path.

* * *

Snape never stayed at the Grimmauld place for dinner. Some of the Order members said he was trying to minimize the risk of exposing the Order's safe house. "He is always the paranoid one," they would say, "He always thinks Voldemort is having other Death Eaters watching him." Some speculated that he didn't want to stay simply because he could not stand sitting at the same table with Sirius Black. "Snape never got over his school boy grudge," they said, "He will always be a greasy git."

No one knew the true reason however. It was a secret only for him to keep: he was becoming less and less confident in keeping his feelings at bay when Hermione Granger was in the room, smiling and laughing, like a friend.

It was indeed difficult not to notice. The girl with the wild brown hair had been growing up so very quickly. It was becoming more and more apparent to Snape that the girl was getting closer and closer to the age of the young woman that he once met. Once again he found himself distracted. To make matters worse, Hermione's random display of friendliness towards the Potions Master took Snape completely by surprise.

He still vividly remembered the night at the Yule Ball, when she walked down the marble staircase in an elegant party gown. Her hair was neatly put up in a cute bun, just like she did once in that summer with him many years ago, when she decided it was a nice evening to have dinner outside by the lake. When the girl descended to the Great Hall, she briefly smiled sweetly at him. Snape's surprise was beyond words. He kept his emotionless expression and stared back at the girl. He was certain that she was not smiling at him. But as he quickly surveyed his surroundings discreetly, he didn't see anyone else. It was probably an innocent friendly gesture the girl sent her professor. However the smile brought back such a wave of strong feelings to his somber heart, it later cost the Potions Master many sleepless nights.

He remembered how his heart sank as he watched her taking Viktor Krum's arm to the dance floor, and remembered how a smirk escaped the corner of his lips when he watched her politely ditch the troll with some clever excuses. Since then, Snape had been trying all he could to avoid being in the same room with Hermione Granger.

Luckily, he found peace in his dreams. Those dreams... More and more frequently Snape found himself longing for the slumbering hours, when he knew he would see her again. In his dreams, they talked, they laughed, and they kissed. He always felt better when he woke up from those dreams. He sometimes wished he would not wake up to the reality at all, as the reality seemed to only be getting gloomier and gloomier.

Between attending the Order meetings and being summoned by the Dark Lord, Snape's mind was constantly on high alert. He still worried about Hermione's safety, but he also realized he had much higher priorities now. If he didn't play his cards right and watch his every step, he might fail, the Order might fail, and if that happened, there would be no more protection he could offer the one person he cared so deeply for all those years.

It was after one of those Order meetings in a late afternoon, as Snape left the group and made his way towards the front door, he heard a quiet call behind him.

"Professor Snape."

He recognized the voice instantly and hesitated briefly. Slowly he turned around and stood face to face with the girl with honey brown eyes, the girl he had tried so very hard to avoid.

"Miss Granger." He answered in his usually cool smooth voice.

"May I ask you a question, Sir?" She began in a timid voice.

Snape frowned and answered in an even tone, "Am I ever allowed a break from answering your questions Miss Granger? Last time I check, this is still the summer holiday."

"Uh... it's not about schoolwork." She murmured quietly.

Snape raised an eyebrow and waited for her to continue.

It took her a moment before she found her courage again and she asked, "Is it true? Are you really a double agent?" she paused for a moment and added, "Sir?"

Snape looked at her intently for a few seconds before finally replied, "you could probably say that."

Her brows turned into a tight knot and she was quiet for a moment. Snape wondered what was going through her mind. He always knew Harry Potter did not trust him. The boy wore his feelings on his sleeves all the time. It didn't take an occlumens to figure out what the boy was thinking. Harry hated him. Snape often wondered if Hermione felt the same about him just like her friends. After all, he had to admit, he did have a tendency to dock points from the Gryffindors unfairly. It was an old habit. He simply couldn't help it. Now that Hermione was confronting him about his role as a spy, he wondered if she too would soon lose her trust in him. Did this mean the end of those randomly displayed friendly gestures? He wondered bitterly. Inwardly he let out a sigh and decided to proceed with his departure.

As he turned around and reached for the door he heard her ask again, "Isn't that dangerous, Professor?"

Silently he felt his heart clinched. She cared about him? But the Potions Master quickly returned to his normal self, "Would you be kind enough to get to the point, Miss Granger? Or are you determined to waste my entire afternoon standing here listening to you pointless questions?"

"I'm sorry," she murmured quietly and her face turned into a shade of light pink, "I just wanted to say... stay safe... Professor."

Snape watched in awe as the girl quickly turned around and made her way down the hallway towards the kitchen. In the distant end of the hall, the other Order members were helping Molly setting the table and were chatting happily among themselves.

"Miss Granger!" Snape was startled by his own voice.

Hermione turned around and looked at the Potions Master with her innocent honey-brown eyes, "Yes Professor?" she asked.

"Have you read the books _Advanced Protection Charms_ and _Beyond the Theories of Jinx and Counter Jinx_?" Snape asked coolly.

"Uh... No Sir." She answered, slightly confused.

"It is about time you pick up those books." Snape said sternly, as if she was already behind with her schoolwork.

The girl smiled brightly at her professor and nodded enthusiastically. "I'm on it, Sir."

Snape quickly turned and disappeared through the doorway without another word. Later that night, he found himself in the best mood in months.

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

**_Thank you so much for your reviews! It wouldn't be as much fun if I didn't know what you think about the story. =)_**

**_All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling._**

**_Here comes more Severus Snape..._**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Even in his wildest dream Severus Snape could not have imagined this: the students actually "liked" him. How things had managed to turned this way was definitely not his preference, and was completely out of his control.

Upon the appointment of the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dolores Umbridge, Snape was suddenly, dared he say, popular with the students. It quickly became apparent to him that the students would much rather be dealing with his snarly comments than the "sweet" little woman that was there to "protect the children".

"The dunderheads are not as daft as I thought." Snape held back a smirk as he did his early evening rounds in the castle.

Just as he rounded the corner of the upstairs corridor, he was surprised to see Hermione Granger standing in front of the Headmaster's office. She was distracted by some internal conversation she was having with herself, and was looking quite distressed.

"Miss Granger," Snape called out coolly, and took noticed of the girl's startled eyes. "May I remind you that curfew is within fifteen minutes? If you don't hurry up and return to your dormitory, you and your fellow Gryffindors will soon be saying goodbye to a hundred points."

Hermione looked at the Potions Master and frowned. Snape noticed the glistening tears in her eyes. But she only looked at him briefly before dropping her head and making her way towards the Gryffindor Tower.

"Miss Granger?" Snape had to stop her. He sensed there was a slightly bigger problem than her wandering in the corridor late in the evening.

She stopped as he called her again, but didn't raise her head.

"Would you care to explain what you were doing here?" Snape's voice was plain and clear. He considered briefly to be a little more friendly, but quickly decided against it. She was a student, he kept reminding himself, not the young woman he once knew!

"I... I was hoping to see Professor Dumbledore." Hermione stuttered slightly.

"The Headmaster is not in this evening." Snape spoke again in his cool voice. Whatever possessed him he did not know, but he went on asking, "Why do you need to see him?"

Hermione looked up at Snape and hesitated. He could see tears began to well up in her eyes. It almost pained him to see those eyes in such a sad expression again. He still remembered the last time when he saw her cry. It was years ago in that summer, when she cried in his arms as if he was the only one that could offer her comfort in the entire world. Snape narrowed his eyes and mentally scolded himself for not concentrating on the current situation.

"That woman... she was hurting Harry. It is not right! Somebody needs to stop her!" She finally said. Her voice was quiet, but her anger was clear.

Snape took a deep breath and frowned. He knew instantly it was Umbridge that Hermione was referring to. Snape knew Umbridge was bad news from the minute he heard about the appointment. He just didn't know how far she would go to influence the school. He wondered what she did this time. Right before he could speak, a familiar "hem hem" reached them from a distant end of the corridor.

"I expect you to provide a better explanation Miss Granger." Snape suddenly raised his voice, causing Hermione to look up at him, completely perplexed. "If you can't explain your tardiness, you will have to serve your detention again tomorrow!" Snape said sternly.

"Professor Snape," Umbridge smiled sweetly when she walked up to Snape and Hermione, "Do we have a problem here?"

"Not anymore." Snape answered, "Miss Granger was late for her detention with me tonight. And I found her lurking in the corridor."

"I wasn't lurking!" Hermione shot back.

"Be quiet!" Snape shot her a cold glare, hoping she would think about the situation before saying another word.

Umbridge seemed to be pleasantly surprised by what she heard. "What did she do to earn the detention Severus?"

"Speaking up in class without permission." Snape answered plainly.

"Good!" a bright smile spread across Umbridge's face, "I'm so glad to find someone here still understands the importance of discipline! Would you like me to help teaching her the lesson?" Umbridge batted her eyes affectionately at Snape, "I would be happy to help!"

"That would not be necessary," Snape's answer was as cold as ice, "I prefer to do the job myself."

Without another word he turned towards his office. When he realized Hermione was not following, he growled impatiently, "What are you waiting for, Miss Granger? Is a formal invitation required for you to show up at your detention promptly?"

Umbridget let out a satisfying sigh as she watched the Gryffindor girl walking solemnly after the Potions Master. Malfoy was right, she thought to herself, Hogwarts was not hopeless after all.

* * *

As they entered Snape's office, he ordered her in a low voice, "Close the door."

Hermione closed the door behind her and watched her Potions Master walk back to his desk without a word. She let out a shaky sigh and asked, "What do I need to do?"

"Do what?" Snape looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you want me to do for the detention?" She asked quietly.

Snape rolled his eyes, "I thought you were the clever one, Miss Granger! What else do you expect me to say in front of her?"

Hermione's eyes widened. Slowly the corner of her lips curled up and turned into a smile.

Snape stared at her with his emotionless eyes and asked, "So now tell me, what did she do to Potter?"

"She used the blood quill on Harry when he went to detention with her." Hermione answered quickly, as if she couldn't speak fast enough to tell him the facts. "That's dark magic, isn't it? She shouldn't be allowed to do that!"

Snape was quiet for a moment. He did not like what he discovered. But he also knew that he would have to be patient if he wanted to know the complete agenda behind Umbridge and the Ministry.

Quietly he went into his storage room and brought out a bottle of purple liquid. "Give this to Potter. It's Murtlap Essence."

"Made of strained and pickled tentacles of Murtlaps? It soothes painful cuts and abrasions, and helps them to heal. Right?" Hermione took the bottle and smiled.

Snape simply shook his head and muttered, "Insufferable know-it-all."

"Thank you Professor." Hermione beamed at him and seemed to have completely ignored the last few words that he just said.

"Miss Granger," Snape suddenly found himself in an uncharted territory. He had always trusted her when she was an adult visiting him years ago. Could he trust her now? How should he tell her that she must not let others know his opinions about Umbridge, and more importantly, his position in the war? "It would be wise not to mention where you got the remedy to anyone. You will mention our conversation to no one. Do you understand?"

Hermione frowned and seemed to wonder why it was such a bad thing for her professor to show a little kindness once in a while. But she quickly nodded. "Yes I understand... but, what about Harry?"

"Which part of _no one_ don't you understand?" Snape snarled. "No! Potter cannot know either."

Hermione examined her professor skeptically. Men were strange, she thought to herself. And when it came to strange men with unpredictable behaviors, Snape had to rank very high on the list.

Snape's office suddenly became uncomfortably quiet as they stood face to face with each other without a word. Just as Snape began to wonder how best to dismiss the girl, Hermione spoke again,

"Professor, she wouldn't let us use any magic in her class. Do you think that is wise? I thought practical exercise is the best way to learn the subject. After all, this is our OWL year!"

Snape studied her with his deep dark eyes for a long moment. He would probably never say it but he agreed with her. The students needed to learn the practical skills. It was even more important now than ever. He especially did not want to see Hermione's training being delayed. He considered all the suggestions he could give her and he finally said, "What about practicing on your own, Miss Granger? I'm sure it would be most beneficial if you and your friends find a way to divert some of your excessive energy. At least it would help preventing you lot from getting into some other trouble."

Hermione was at first surprised by the idea. But she quickly understood what Snape was suggesting and her face lit up, "that's a great idea Professor! But who would teach us? Would you be willing to..."

"You can't possibly be thinking about any of _my_ involvement in _your_ activities!" He drawled. "You are on your own with your plans Miss Granger." He went on coldly.

Snape turned away from Hermione so that he could avoid her beautiful honey brown eyes looking at him enquiringly. He heard her sighing softly before walking out of his office. Before she closed the door she said quietly, "Thanks Professor. Good night."

"Just be careful, please." Snape answered quietly, but found only himself listening.

* * *

Nothing seemed to have happened since he gave her the suggestion. Snape's curiosity grew. Miss Granger and her friends were either doing a very good job concealing their activities, or they just didn't have the guts to do it. He wanted to know. He found his opportunity at the end of double potions one afternoon.

"Miss Granger, a word after class please." As Hermione turned in her potion, Snape said quietly.

He made her stand by his desk for a few minutes while waiting for the classroom to clear out. She was visibly nervous. He wondered what made him so intimidating. He was trying to be nice for Merlin's sake!

"So..." He started in a quiet voice, "have you started your practice yet?"

"Uh... not quite." She answered. "I think it would be most logical to have Harry give us the lesson. He's the one with the most experience among us. But I haven't been able to convince him yet."

"So Potter is a coward after all." Snape said coldly.

"No!" Hermione was clearly offended. "It's not like that! Harry is modest. He didn't want to be the center of attention."

"Modest? Potter? Give me a break!" Snape grunted.

"You don't know him, Professor. Well, I can talk him into it. It'll just take a little longer." Hermione continued, "But that's not the only thing..."

He looked up and met her eyes. "What's the problem then?"

"I don't know how to keep the group safe. What if someone signs up and later goes and tell Umbridge about it. I was thinking about having them sign a contract or something like that. But I don't know how to make it enforceable." She sighed.

Snape bit the inside of his cheek so that he wouldn't smile. He could easily provide the guidance if she had come to him sooner.

"Have you considered using the Furnunculus hex?"

"Like a jinks to make whoever reveals the secret sick?" she asked in disbelief, "Isn't that dark magic?"

Snape rolled his eyes and laughed drily, "I won't argue with you if you consider Mr. Fred and George Weasley's nosebleed nougat and puking pastille dark magic."

"I see..." Hermione broke into a smile. But her smile quickly turned into a frown, "But the books on that subject are in the restricted section in the library."

From the corner of his eye Snape saw a couple of second-year Hufflepuffs waiting outside the classroom for their next lesson. He quickly pulled out a piece of parchment and swiftly wrote a note. As he handed the paper to Hermione he said in his I-only-mean-business tone, "I expect you to do all the proper research on this assignment. I don't have time to read a load of rubbish."

Hermione nodded quickly and took the paper from Snape. As she ran towards the door she turned quickly and gave him a mischievous smile. Snape only stared back at her with his deep dark eyes.

He was just making sure the students learn what they were supposed to learn, he thought to himself. And that had to be all.

* * *

Nothing about Slughorn's Christmas party interested Snape. The music, the people, and the "exotic" guests all gave him a headache. Quietly he slipped out into the balcony and gave himself up into the crisp cold air and the deep dark night.

He wished he could clear his mind.

He had expected to be a double agent and spy for the Order. He had expected to go through all the danger to protect and assist the Potter boy. But he did not expect this... he must kill Dumbledore.

He was not sure how he felt about the old wizard anymore. He wouldn't call him a friend. Being honest with himself, Snape seemed to have long forgotten the definition of a friend. However, Snape had to admit, he did trust Dumbledore, and the Headmaster was probably the only one that he felt comfortable to be completely honest with at the moment. He respected the old wizard's judgement and appreciate his teaching. But at the same time, he was ambivalent about Dumbledore's relying on underage wizards in the war. Snape detested the Headmaster's manipulation, especially when it came to leveraging the abilities of Harry Potter.

Whatever his disagreement with Dumbledore might be however, Snape did not want to end the old man's life.

Snape understood the plan perfectly well. There was no other way. He would do the old wizard the favor as he requested. He would play his part in the war. Yet it still felt strange. It felt as if killing Dumbledore would severe the last connection he had with the world, before being sent down to the bottom of the dark lake.

He could only imagine what would happen after he did what he was asked to do. Everyone would hate him for betraying Dumbledore, just as he was told in that distant summer. Everyone, that would be, including Hermione Granger.

His random thoughts were interrupted when a slender figure quietly opened the balcony door and slipped into the darkness a few steps away from him. His could feel his heart racing when he realized it was just the girl that he was thinking about.

Funny enough, Hermione Granger was so preoccupied by trying to hide herself from someone inside the room, she did not even notice Snape's presence.

Snape watched in amusement as the girl quietly closed the door and tiptoed into a dark corner of the balcony. She took off her shoes and winced at the pointy heels. Snape was pleased to finally get an honest opinion about those stylist shoes that woman seemed to be so crazy about.

A small wind chill blew through the canopy hanging around the balcony and Hermione shivered. But the cold didn't stop her from leaning further into the dark corner.

A minute had past and she still did not notice Snape. He began to feel slightly uneasy for staring at her in the dark. "Good evening Miss Granger." He found himself calling her in his cool smooth voice.

The girl jumped upon hearing her name and immediately began waving her hands frantically at Snape, while putting a finger over her lips to signal him to stop talking.

Snape was confused and intrigued at the very same time. He pulled out his wand and cast a silencing charm around the balcony door. He then pointed his wand at her and cast a quiet spell. She immediately felt a warming sensation ran through her body, as if a warm blanket was wrapped around her.

"You are free to speak now. No one can hear us from inside." Snape looked at the girl with a curious stare, "If I am not mistaken, attending a party should not involve hiding from the others, Miss Granger."

He immediately realized the foolishness of his own statement. After all, wasn't he the first one hiding out there to begin with?

But she didn't seem to notice the irony in the situation. She simply sighed and shook her head. "Just don't let Cormac McLaggen see me out here."

Snape felt a slight relief that she didn't use his own statement against him. He sensed an interesting conversation ahead of them.

"Why, pray tell, are you hiding from your date?" He asked curiously.

"That's the problem. I don't think of him as my date." Hermione looked back towards the room carefully, trying to make sure Cormac McLaggen was not in the proximity. "But he seemed to have a different idea. Argh! I can't stand him!" She let out a frustrated sigh.

Snape could barely hide the smirk in his face but he pressed on, "I would not fault Mr. McLaggen for his misunderstanding if I were you. You did ask him to accompany you tonight, did you not?"

"Yes, but just as a friend! Not as a... whatever he thinks he is." Hermione murmured. She was thankful the darkness of the night hid her pink cheeks from his view.

"If you wanted to come with a friend, why don't you bring one that you can tolerate?" Snape asked in his sarcastic tone, "I would have imagined that either Potter or Weasley would suffice?"

"Harry came with Luna." Hermione answered, "And Ron..." She stopped for a few moments, as if she had a hard time finding the answer. And then she finally said, "It's complicated."

Snape could not let her back out of the conversation now. Inwardly he also wondered when he had become so nosy in other people's business.

"I would have never guessed that the insufferable know-it-all would find anything complicated." He said plainly.

She let out a small laugh and he saw her shaking her head. "I can't believe this." She said quietly, "I can't believe I'm actually talking to _you_ about this. I don't even know you. No offense, Professor."

"None taken." Snape replied coolly. His heart however sank a little when he heard her say that she didn't even know him. He turned away from her and looked into the starless night. "I have heard once before that sometimes it is easier to talk about things with a complete stranger." He murmured.

He could feel her looking at him intently. How would she take his statement? He didn't dared to guess.

"You are probably right." She sighed, "But you are a teacher."

"I am also someone who never blabbermouth about other people's business around the school." He began to question his judgement and the direction to which he had taken the conversation.

She was quiet for a few moments, as if considering his words. Finally she said, "I don't think I can be Ron's friend any more."

"Because?" he looked at her surprisingly. The golden trio had become a trade mark of the Gryffindors in the past few years. Snape wondered what had happened.

"I have always considered him a good friend, my best friend, even." She began, "I like him just the same as I like Harry. They are just like... my brothers. What's wrong with that? Professor?"

"Uh... Nothing. Nothing is wrong with that, I suppose. " Snape was slightly taken aback. He did not expect to have to answer a question.

"Well apparently Ron thinks differently. He thinks he likes me. And he wants me to be... He hasn't said it yet. But I'm pretty sure he wants me to be his girlfriend." Hermione said quietly. "I don't know how I can explain it clearly to him without hurting his feelings while still keeping our friendship unscratched. So I think my only option is to distant myself from him and stop being his friend." The sadness was clear in her voice. After a small pause, he could hear her trying to muffle a sniffle.

It might be because of the darkness, or the cold, or the intoxicated holiday atmosphere, Snape suddenly had a very strange feeling. Was it Hermione Granger he was talking to? Or was it somebody else? Did Lily ever feel this way about him? Was that why she distant herself from him and stopped being his friend?

Neither one of them spoke for quite a long moment, until he finally broke the silence, "You may be surprised to see how understanding he is capable of, if you can just be honest with him. If he truly cares about you, which I suspect he does, he will accept your choices, and will appreciate your friendship. It would be a shame to let a good friend slip away without giving him a chance to understand and an opportunity to explain himself to you."

The way he said the words sounded very strange. It was not some sarcastic comments that Hermione was expecting from Snape. She almost thought it was a different man standing before her. Was he talking about her and Ron? Or was he talking about somebody else?

"I found this student sneaking around in the castle Professor!" Argus Filch's raspy yelp coming from the other side of the balcony door suddenly caught Snape's attention. Through the window he saw a blond wizard struggling in the caretaker's ugly hands. Malfoy... Snape sighed. He would need to take care of this.

As Snape reached for the handle of the balcony door, he turned around and looked at Hermione. He wished he could stay there and talked to her a little longer. He didn't know how much more time he would have before he had to send Dumbledore to his death. When that happened, he was sure he would never get her to talk to him again. There was so much he wanted to say.

"Miss Granger," He began. But what should he say? Should he tell her that he wanted her to be safe, to be happy? Should he ask her to see beyond what met the eye for certain future events? Should he warn her about the Dark Lord's plans? He took a deep breath and looked at her again. In the darkness he couldn't make out her eyes, and felt a sense of relief knowing that she wouldn't be able to see the emotions in his own. Slowly, he turned away. This was it. He had to get over it. He didn't say another word before returning to the party, to the struggling student in Filch's grasp, to his duty as a professor, and his duty as a spy.

Hermione watched in bemusement as the professor disappeared into the warmth of the lights radiating from the party. "Thanks Professor," she smiled at the direction where he disappeared, "Merry Christmas."

* * *

**_As I was writing this chapter, I began to think that these little incidents were probably the most lighthearted experiences that Snape could have had during those in-between years. How would he handle what would come next? I am worried..._**

**_I appreciate your reviews!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Sorry about the delay my friends. Between deadlines and meetings, I left no room in my day (or night) for writing. My muse made me pay dearly for the neglect. It had taken much more effort than I originally anticipated to retrieve the story out from the deepest corner in my heart. If I ever lost my creativity, or sanity for that matter, I have decided, corporate America would have to take complete responsibility. =)  
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**_The story about our hero continues... It may need to get a little darker (i.e. violence) before we come out of it. I don't seem to be able to find another way around it. So consider this a fair warning. Also, just you know, this is where the importance of certain details from this story's companion piece, The Final Forgiveness, become a little more relevant.  
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**_All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling._**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

He didn't shed a single tear when his father died years ago. The reason was simple: he couldn't claim that he even knew his father, the man who gave him a life yet failed to grant him a moment of pleasant memory.

As he stood in front of the white tomb, however, Severus Snape was at a loss. Silently he stood under the starry sky, praying that the early winter wind would stop his rebellious tears from breaking the weakening barrier. He was thankful that the darkness had surrounded him. No one could see him. No one, that was, if the unicorn stood by the distant bank by the lake could keep his secret.

Snape did not love Dumbledore. No, he did not think so. Was the old man even a friend? Snape wasn't sure. But he always knew he could trust the wizard lying under the cold marble stone. But why? He often asked himself the question. Why did he trust the old wizard, even though he knew Dumbledore had many secrets hidden from him all the way through the end?

Standing in front of the white tomb, Snape's nearly numb heart was exploding with many strange emotions. There was so much more than he thought his heart was capable of feeling. Sorrow, bitterness, despair, but above all, he was angry. He was angry that even to his death, Dumbledore did not tell him everything about his plans. He was angry that he could not avoid taking the old man's life with his own hands. He was angry that things had to turn out this way. He was angry, that life wasn't fair.

For months after casting the unforgivable curse at the old man, Snape had been in denial. It was a task that must be done. It was a mission. So for the entire time when he was on the run he did not think of Dumbledore. For the entire time Snape was playing his part, as a spy, Dumbledore's spy.

Returning to Hogwarts forced him back to reality. He was now the headmaster. He was the rightful owner of the headmaster's office. He had the audience of Dumbledore's portrait. He was no longer Dumbledore's spy, because Dumbledore, was dead. After seeing the icy glares in McGonagall's eyes, it became very clear to Snape: he was, truly, on his own.

Snape no longer took his walks in the morning. Instead, he only ventured out to the grounds at night. He could not bear seeing the school from the distance in the morning, while the sun could no longer shine above it as the dementors patrolling the sky. Hogwarts was not the same place any more. And Snape felt responsible. Was this the best he could do as the guardian of the school? Was this how he kept his promise to Dumbledore?

He found his refuge in his dreams, when he saw her frequently. She was always smiling when she came to him at night. It was a wonder that she always seemed so real to him. During some of those dark days, when Snape thought he was about to be suffocated by despair, seeing her in his dreams seemed to be the last thing he could cling on to before slipping away from life itself. Seeing her, hearing her, touching her, and tasting her in his dreams had given him hope. If dreams were reflections of one's mind, Snape wondered, there must be a part of him that was still hanging on to some hopeful ending. However, he thought bitterly to himself, among many other things, hope would have no place in his own future.

As he contemplated his dreams one evening while walking by the lake, the dark mark on his arm suddenly hissed with pain. He took a deep breath and braced himself. This was not going to be a walk in the park.

* * *

When Snape walked into Malfoy Mansion, he knew what to expect: Voldemort was not at all pleased. A couple of lifeless bodies lying in front of a small gathering of death eaters were the proof of the Dark Lord's current mood. Voldemort had become increasingly impatient with the progress of finding the-boy-who-lived. He was determined that the slow progress had everything to do with the incompetence of his followers.

Quietly taking his place next to a trembling Narcissa Malfoy, Snape stood in silence.

Snape's appearance seemed to fuel the Dark Lord's anger.

"Severus," Voldemort narrowed his eyes, "I'm glad you finally decided to join me tonight. Do you honestly think killing a feeble old man would grant you credits for a lifetime?"

Snape lowered his head and regarded the dark lord solemnly, "I dare not to think that, my Lord."

"Tell me then Severus, what have you been doing all these days? Why haven't I received any better leads on the boy's whereabouts?" Voldemort singled out Snape from the group and began in his high cold voice.

Silently Snape had his mind prepared for the Dark Lord's penetration. He had to guard his memory very carefully. It was true that he had been busy since the beginning of the school term, although it had nothing to do with finding Harry Potter. He knew Potter was on the run with his friends looking for certain objects under Dumbledore's instructions. As he quietly observed the reports from Voldemort's followers in the previous meetings, Snape knew the death eaters were no where near where Potter might be. So he was not terribly concerned. Instead, he spent all the time he could find locating a contact in Australia, as an effort to protect Hermione's parents. No one knew about his plans except for himself. It was a dangerous task, but he knew he had to do this. After all, this might just be the last thing he could do for her. In hindsight however, he realized it was his oversight not to come up with a better cover story for the time he had "wasted".

He took a shallow breath and answered in his calm voice, "My Lord, I have been keeping the school under control and have been trying to get information about the boy among his friends..."

"Is that so?" Voldemort cut him off suddenly. "I would have thought that keeping some ignorant children under proper discipline would take no time. I was told you were excellent in disciplinary activities," The dark lord shot Lucius Malfoy a terrifying cold glance and returned his attention back to Snape. "but perhaps that was a misrepresentation? I have begun to think that you need a little more guidance from me than I originally anticipated."

Snape swallowed, and prepared himself for whatever the "guidance" might be coming his way.

Voldemort looked around and his glaring red eyes rested on Amycus and Alecto Carrow. "You two," He began, "I wouldn't think too lightly about the position of deputy headmaster. The responsibility of educating the ones with magical blood is now in your hands. Your headmaster will have more important tasks to tend to."

The Carrows nodded eagerly in reply. Snape knew they had been waiting for this moment. He had been wondering how much longer before the two would start accusing him for being too easy on the students. In the past few months, Snape often thought to himself that the dunderheads should thank their lucky stars that these two were so slow to catch on with his pseudo "punishments". Sadly, it appeared that the students' good fortune might had come to an end.

"As far as you," Voldemort walked back to Snape's side, "you will talk to that old man in the portrait that is hanging in your office. We both know that he was planning something with Potter. I thought you would have found the answers for me by now. You did tell me that Dumbledore trusted you. Did you not?" He raised his cold voice.

Snape bowed obediently at the dark lord and replied, "Yes my Lord. It will only take a little more time. It's just that... his trust towards me seemed to waver since I happened to be the one who cast the killing curse on him."

"Crucio!" Voldemort bellowed, "How dare you talking back at me!"

Snape felt to his knees and shivered uncontrollably in pain. The curse was much harsher and longer than he had ever experienced, as if Voldemort was debating if it was still worthwhile to keep his victim alive.

Just as Snape was about to welcome the idea of death, which seemed to be the only way to be rid of the excruciating torture, the Dark Lord stopped the curse. Voldemort had much darker plans than a quick and comfortable death for Snape tonight.

The Dark Lord walked around Snape and watched his trembling body with great interest, like a cat looking at a half-dead mouse that was about to become his dinner. He then looked up and surveyed the group thoughtfully.

"If that's what you think, Severus, the answer is very simple. All you need to do is to be convincing." Voldemort smiled slyly and spoke to the group, "You will see, my servants, Dumbledore is weak. He will trust easily, even when he's dead."

He then turned his attention back to the semiconscious Snape and spoke in a soft low voice, "When he sees you suffer under me, he would be easily convinced that it is all reasonable for a coward like you to switch sides. Wasn't that what you did last time, Severus? Be a little more convincing is all you need, isn't it? I hope that little treat just now was convincing for you, just in case you have some other crazy ideas. As for the old man, we just need a bit more convincing evidence."

"Dolohov, Yaxley, here is a job for you." Voldemort gestured the two death eaters over to the wizard on the floor, "Headmaster Snape here needs some visible evidence to convince an old man in the portrait."

The two death eaters sneered and exchanged an evil glance with each other. Right before they reached for their wands however, Voldemort stopped them. "No," he said coldly, "you don't need magic for this."

Before Snape could raised his arms above his face, the leather boots were stomping over him. Hot liquid poured out of the corner of his lips and his nose. The attackers stood above him gave him no time to catch his breath after a few minutes of brutal beating, a harsh blow struck him from the side of his head and he was sent into a complete darkness.

* * *

When Snape opened his swollen eyes he didn't see anyone by his side. The meeting was over. But he soon realized he wasn't alone.

"Amycus, take your _headmaster_ back to Hogwarts. Make sure he does his job this time." Voldemort's said coldly, "It will be your responsibility that he is here on time for the next meeting, with good results from his task."

Next thing Snape knew he was pulled up roughly by Carrow. The death eater had no interest in Snape's well being. It was a task that the Dark Lord had given him. And he was there to do whatever he was told.

As they walked down the corridors in Hogwarts towards Snape's quarter, Carrow made his sentiment very clear to Snape.

"Damn, you are heavy!" He grunted, "Can't you use your legs for Merlin's sake?"

When Snape finally murmured his secret code at the door to his quarter, Carrow gladly let go of his unwanted burden.

"Feel better soon, _Headmaster_!" He snarled, "because I'm not your personal chauffeur and am not interested in coming to collect you for the next summoning."

As Snape stumbled through the door, he heard Carrow return again, "In case you didn't hear him, you'd better get your acts together and find the Dark Lord what he wants. I swear, I'm not going to break my back carrying you back next time."

Snape leaned against the door frame as he listened to Carrow's footsteps disappearing in the distance. He knew he would not be able to walk into his room, and did not want the death eater to see him fall.

When he finally closed the door behind him, Snape could no longer keep his balance. He only managed to stumble forward a couple steps, before falling face down to the floor, and gave in to the darkness once more.

* * *

Falling in and out of consciousness, Severus heard the door opened and closed as he lay on the hard cold floor. Was Carrow back already? He thought to himself.

The next thing he felt were the gentle touches of a small hand on his forehead. He could tell he was lying in his bed, yet he couldn't remember when and how he managed to change into his night clothes. But who was there to help him? He was sure Carrow didn't have the courtesy to inform Madam Pomfrey about his injuries. And even if he did, Severus was sure that Poppy was not interested in helping the man who was responsible for sending Dumbledore to his death.

He heard quiet murmuring of spells and felt tangling sensations surrounding his wounds. He then felt a couple of drops of water on his face. Was it from a wash cloth? Or was it tears? He couldn't tell.

When Severus finally woke up and opened his swollen eyes as much as he could, he saw her beautiful brown curls next to his hand. He sighed in relief. She was visiting him again in his dream. He was always safe in his dreams, those dreams when she was there by his side.

She was sitting in a chair next to the nightstand, while resting her head on his bed. Gently he ran his fingers through her soft brown curls, and quickly found her warm gaze looking upon him.

"Oh Severus," her voice broke. "I'm so sorry... so sorry to see you like this."

He managed a weak smile. "Could be worse." It was true, he thought to himself. It could be a lot worse if he didn't have her in his dreams.

She reached over to the night stand and took a bottle of essence of dittany into her hand. Gingerly she applied the ointment over his wounds. When he felt her hand moving away he reached up and held on to it. Slowly he brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them gently.

"Thank you." He whispered, "Stay with me. Please don't go."

He felt drops of tears falling into his palm. She reached down to him and kissed him softly on his lips.

"I will stay, Severus. I will stay as long as I can. But even after I leave you at the end of the night, please do remember, I will never be far."

Slowly she slipped into bed next to him and took his hand into hers. He took a deep breath to take in the sweet honey fragrance of her hair. Feeling her nestled against him, Severus could finally find peace in his sleep.

"Somnia somnium parvum..." as he heard the words, he smiled in his sleep. That was a nice dream.

* * *

**1999, A Remote Island in the Bahamas**

Jerked awake from his sleep, Severus found himself surrounded by a peaceful silence. All he could hear was Hermione's even breathing, and the sound of soft ocean waves in the distance. Ever since their honeymoon trip months ago he had not had a nightmare about the war. But somehow tonight was a little different. Something around him seemed to remind him of certain event during those dark days.

He tightened his embrace of the woman in his arms and took a deep breath. Strangely enough, he was sure other than her signature sweet honey scent, he smelled a faint scent of dittany.

Hermione stirred in his arms as he moved, and murmured a few incoherent words. Severus raised an eyebrow in amusement and listened intensely.

"I will stay..." she murmured, "I will never... be far..."

Severus frowned. Just what exactly did she mean when she said those were not dreams?

* * *

_**In case I just lost you at the end there, I apologize. You might want to take a quick look at the Epilogue of the companion story for this piece: The Final Forgiveness, and then you will know what I meant. =) **_

_**For all my mommy friends out there, Happy Mom's Day!  
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	7. Chapter 7

**_I have to admit that the previous few chapters had been quite predictable, even though I thought it was necessary to go through as we explore Severus' character. Based on the feedback that I am getting however, I can guess that most of you might be more interested in a little unpredictable twists and turns. I am hoping that what I have in mind next will make amends to that deficiency. So here we go... let the drama begin. =)  
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**_All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling._**

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**Chapter 7**

Hermione woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. She looked around the room and saw the dim light coming from the study. If it was any other night, she would have simply ignored Severus' mid-night trip to their private library. They had both gotten used to each others' needs to go visit their books at some random hours during the day. But today, it was different.

A couple hours ago Hermione took another time traveling trip after reading Severus' journal that he had given her. She read about his injury after a summoning by Voldemort and decided to go see if there was anything she could do to help. When she traveled two years back and arrived in his quarter, she was shocked by the state he was in. It was terribly hard for her to hold back her tears when she saw his unconscious form lying on the cold hard floor. So she helped him to his bed and did as much as she could to heal his wounds. She wished he didn't brushed aside the severity of the beating in his journal. If she had known how bad he was hurt she would have been more prepared and brought him other potions and tonics. It took him quite some time to recover, so she ended up staying with him for two days. It all ended up like a "dream" for Severus. For Hermione however, she barely slept for the entire time when she was there.

Fortunately, the length of her stay did not make a difference for the present time. The time traveling method that she used was absolutely magical. She reappeared in the present time just about the same moment when she disappeared. However, She was exhausted physically from the two days taking care of an injured Severus. Making it worse, she found herself emotionally drained. She only felt better when he pulled her into his arms before she fell asleep. But what was he doing now? She had an urge to be with him.

Quietly Hermione walked next to Severus. She rested her arm over Severus' shoulders and peeked at the book he was reading. Hermione was quite surprised when she realized he was not reading a book, but his own old journal. Ever since he gave her his journal, he had always avoided reading it again, even when she suggested that they read it together. "That's some old memories," he had told her, "I just want you to know what I was thinking. But I'm not interested in revisiting those days."

Severus' head turned slightly when he felt Hermione's touch, but he didn't turn to look at her. A moment had past, and he finally asked in a quite tone, "Those weren't dreams, were they? Tell me. How did you do it? And why?"

Hermione sighed and sat down in a chair next to the desk.

"It was something Dumbledore left you in his will."

"What are you talking about?" He shot her an intense glance, "I read his will many times, there was not a single word about me."

"You are right, it wasn't clearly stated in his will." Hermione was tired. She wished she wouldn't need to explain all these at this moment. Yet something in Severus eyes made her feel uneasy.

She took a deep breath and went on, "He included a hidden note in his copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard that he left for me. He had some magic seal on it so I didn't even see it when I was with Harry and Ron looking for the horcruxes. I have no idea how he did it, but the seal disappeared after the war. By then I had already made the trip back to the summer in 1983, so everything in his note made sense. He left me the spells I needed to travel back, and also told me that in order to not change the course of the events in the past, I should use this other spell at the end of each visit. I thought it worked pretty well, considering you did seem to enjoy your _dreams_."

Severus looked at Hermione with a strange expression, as if something was bothering him terribly. She wondered what she had said could have offended him.

"But how did you choose when to visit me, in the past?" He asked, leaning his body towards Hermione as he anticipated her answer.

"I didn't know at first. But then you gave me your journal. And it was perfect. It gave me the exact dates when I know you could use some company. And I have to thank you for not changing the codes to your quarter all these years. Otherwise I might have to wait outside your door for many nights." She chuckled to her memory of visiting him in 1994, when he grunted "go away" when she knocked on his door.

"I could see the effects of my visits. I noticed the journal changed every time after I came back from a visit, and reflected those _dreams _of yours. I could tell from your entries that your mood was always better after we had our nights together. And I love it when you talked about your dreams in your journal. It was amazing..."

Hermione stopped in mid sentence when she saw the strange sparks in Severus eyes. If she didn't know him better she wouldn't have guessed. But she did know him. And she realized, he was angry.

"Was it really? Was it perfect? Was it amazing?" He snarled, "No... It was foolish!" He bellowed.

"What?" Hermione looked at her husband wide-eyed. She did not see this coming. She had anticipated some complicated reactions from his part, and did not expect a straight "thank you". But foolish? Why would he say that? And why was he so angry?

"It was foolish of you to go back in time!" He went on, "How could you let him do that to you?"

"What? Let who do what to me?" She could feel anger rising within her. The exhaustion from two days without much sleep did not help her patience.

"Dumbledore! You let him manipulate you! He used you like a pawn!" Severus abruptly got up from his chair and paced around the room.

"He did not!" Hermione raised her voice. She couldn't believe Severus could make such an accusation. "I wanted to go visit you, and help you. What's wrong with me helping you?"

"Helping me? Is that what you think you were doing? Using the information that I have given you and put yourself back to those dangerous situations? It was a war Hermione!"

"It was not that dangerous. I always disguised myself when I went back. And have always returned just fine!" She tried to reason with him.

"What about Rita Skeeter's article? Obviously you were seen by others during those trips. Do you realize what that meant? You could have been caught, Hermione, and you could have been hurt, and taken to Voldemort. Did you even think about the consequences?" He felt the rage burning through his veins and he too raised his voice.

"Who cares about Rita Skeeter's article. I didn't get caught, or hurt, did I? I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Oh you are just so brave, such a true Gryffindor." A sarcastic tone returned to Severus' voice, "You think you are so clever, and can solve all the problems, don't you? What made you think I needed _you_ to take care of me?"

"Oh I'm so sorry if I hurt your pride!" Hermione retorted. "It was obvious that you needed my help. I saw it with my own eyes just hours ago."

"It has nothing to do with my pride!" Severus bellowed. He then looked straight into her eyes and said in a dangerously stern voice, "And speaking of that night, when you showed up in my quarter, Carrow could have returned. And I would've been in no condition to do anything if he got hold of you. Then what? Would I then have to live the rest of my life with the knowledge that my own journal, my own words, send you to harm's way? Use your brain, Granger!"

"It's Snape! Not Granger any more." Hermione yelled back. "I can't believe this..." She choked on her words and felt tears burning in her eyes.

"What? You can't believe what? That I just pointed out how senseless your actions had been?" Severus pressed on.

"Argh! You are impossible!" She screamed. "I thought I know you!"

"And I thought I could trust you!" He yelled back, but immediately regretted it.

Hermione suddenly felt it hard to breath standing in front of Severus. She walked quickly around him and stomped through the door to their bedroom.

"Where are you going?" For the first time this evening Severus had a terrible feeling about their argument.

She came back within seconds holding her beaded bag that he knew too well. But he would hate to guess what she had packed in it this time.

"I can't stay here." She hissed, "I need to be with reasonable people."

"It's in the middle of the night. Where are you going! No!" He called after her. If she was not so angry she might have picked up the panic and desperation in his voice. But she didn't. She ran straight through the door and with a soft pop, she was gone.

* * *

**_Sorry it's a bit short. But it happens to be a good spot to take a break as well as a deep breath. I will try to get the next chapter up as quickly as I can. Please let me know what you think. Your feedback is priceless for me!_**


	8. Chapter 8

**_So the story continues...  
_**

**_All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling._**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"It's in the middle of the night. Where are you going! No!" He called after her. If she was not so angry she might have picked up the panic and desperation in his voice. But she didn't. She ran straight through the door and with a soft pop, she was gone. And no one was there to hear his next few words...

"Please, Hermione, Don't go..."

Severus sank into a leather chair by the window and buried his face in his hands. Whatever rage possessed him slowly left his body as he regained control over his mind. What had he done?

He had almost guessed what she was going to tell him as he sat in the study re-reading his old journal. He knew Hermione's time traveling trip to the past had to have something to do with Dumbledore. He always felt ambivalent about Dumbledore's tendency to manipulate others. It burned him up while thinking that Hermione was instructed to risk her life for the old wizard. His anger towards the old man was nothing new. He had harbored the resentment for years. But this resentment was nothing compared to his other concern. It was his biggest fear that _he himself,_ would have something to do with enabling Hermione to go back in time. And her answers confirmed all of his worries.

She would never understand how difficult it was for him to even imagine the consequences. His mistake had already cost the life of Lily. If anything had happened to Hermione because of him, he wasn't sure how he could cope. Hermione was not Lily. She was his best friend (perhaps even, his only friend), his partner, his wife, his love. He lived for the very existence of her! Yet none of those romantic words came to him when he was talking to her. The emotion was too strong. And everything came out wrong.

He let out a shaky sigh and felt his heart clinch with pain. This couldn't be happening. He had to go after her. He had to talk to her. He had to apologize.

It would be most challenging to admit that he was wrong. Sorry was not a word in Severus Snape's daily vocabulary. Being honest to himself, he did not even have a clue about how he would start the apology. But he was determined to do it. He would do anything for her.

The question was, where would she go in the middle of the night?

Suddenly the corner of Severus' lips curled up and he smiled. It wouldn't be in the middle of the night at the other end of the world. It might even be sunny in England.

* * *

It was a beautiful morning in the fields next to the road leading to the Burrow. But Severus was in no mood to admire the scenery. He was preparing his words as he anticipated finding her there with the Weasleys. He knew she had always considered the Weasleys her extended family. Since her parents were out and about touring the world again, he was sure he would find her here.

As he came up to the gate of the house, he saw Ron moving a couple of trunks out to the yard. Suspicion rose and Severus began to wonder: where was the young Weasley going? And, with who?

"Going somewhere Weasley?" He asked in his cool smooth voice.

Ron was surprised by the question and was shocked to see Severus Snape standing by the front gate, in his signature black coat and billowing black cloak. "Uh... P...P...Professor Snape?" He stuttered.

Severus rolled his eyes and entered the yard. "Just Snape, or Severus if you please. I'm not your professor anymore Weasley."

"Sorry... S... Severus," Ron answered, and smiled uneasily. He took a quick glance behind Severus. When he didn't see anyone following, he became quite concerned, "Is everything alright? Where is Hermione?"

Severus raised an eyebrow and realized his suspicion was ungrounded. "I was hoping you would know." He answered.

"Know what? Where Hermione is?" Ron looked confused. "No. I don't. I haven't seen you two since we had dinner together two weeks ago." He considered carefully before finally asking in a timid voice, "What happened?"

Severus frowned and wasn't sure how much he wanted to share with the red-headed young man. "Well," he started coolly, but soon stumbled for words, "We, uh... She, uh... She had a Gryffindor moment."

Ron stared at Severus in disbelief and said, "Blimey! She does that to you too?"

Severus was slightly taken aback. "What do you mean?"

"Oh you know, how scary she can be when she gets angry." Ron shrugged, "She used to scare me when we were at school."

A smile escaped the corner of Severus' lips as he remembered observing the brown-hair prefect expressing her strong opinions to her fellow red-headed Gryffindor.

"You just need to talk to her though." Ron went on, "She always has a good reason to be upset. It worked for us when we talked it through."

They stood in silence for a long minute and Ron suddenly said, "I never found the opportunity, but I want to thank you Severus."

Severus looked up at the young man, confused, "What do you want to thank me for?"

"I want to thank you for talking to Hermione a few years ago and telling her to talk to me."

"I did?"

"Yes, it was at Slughorn's Christmas party, remember? She came to talk to me afterwards and told me that she didn't feel the same way about me like the way I felt about her, but she still wanted to be my friend. I'm really glad that we had that honest discussion. Eventually I realized I didn't really want to be in a relationship like that with her anyway. But I know I would be devastated if I lost her as my friend."

"She told you that I talked to her?" Severus was curious.

"Well, not at the beginning. She just said that she learned from a wise and sensible man that it would be a shame to lose a friend because of miscommunication and misunderstanding."

"Wise and sensible?" Severus couldn't believe his ears. Considering his behavior the night before, he was far from being wise and sensible.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Ron chuckled, "How would I guess that was you? Sorry, no offense. So I asked her if it was McLaggen."

"McLaggen? Are you daft?"

"That was exactly what she said too." Ron smiled. "But what do you expect? She just got back from a party with that git and came up to me with that conversation. I was slightly upset alright? So that's when she told me it was you that talked to her."

Severus nodded absentmindedly and lost in his own thought.

"And... uh.. may I ask you something?" Ron's careful question interrupted Severus. He looked up at the young man and nodded.

"Did you... and Hermione... uh... did you two go out when we were at school?"

"No." Severus frowned, "Her visit to the past happened at the end of the war. And I never told her about it when she was a student."

"I see." Ron nodded thoughtfully and let out a relieved sigh, "Thanks. That made me feel better."

Seeing the confused expression in Severus eyes, Ron explained, "I know I don't feel that way about her, but there was something always nagging me. I just want to make sure that she really was not interested in me when she made her decision, and not because she was with someone that was... that was... better than me."

Severus considered the young man in front of him carefully. The young Weasley certainly had some self-esteem issues.

"Let me put it this way, Weasley. I wouldn't have come over here to look for her if you weren't her best friend."

The red-headed young wizard smiled and nodded.

Severus looked around, and his attention was drawn by the two trunks at the front door. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, yes," Ron scratched his head absentmindedly. "I'm heading up north to meet up with Charlie for the summer. He is going to show me around the dragon territory. And I have always wanted to visit that part of the world."

"I see. Have a pleasant journey then." Severus turned and began to leave. He was eager to go to his next destination.

"Talk to her Severus. And good luck!" Ron called after him. And all Severus did was nodding curtly before disapparating as soon as he stepped out of the gate.

* * *

Severus pressed on the doorbell impatiently for the third time. What would take Potter so long to answer the door?

The front door of Number 12 Grimmauld Place slowly creep open and Kreature's big grey ears came into sight.

"Master Snape? What can Kreature do for you?"

"Where is Hermione?" Severus asked irritably.

"Is Kreature Mrs. Snape's keeper?" The old house elf stroke his chin with his bony index finger and replied slowly, "No, Kreature does not think so."

Just as Severus could feel his temper rising again, he heard Harry Potter hurried out from the hallway asking, "Who is it Kreature?"

When Harry appeared in the doorway, Severus noticed he was in his bath robe. To Severus' amusement, Harry seemed slightly embarrassed by his own attire.

"Oh hi Severus." Harry gently pushed the house elf away from the doorway, "What brought you here? Is everything alright? Where is Hermione?"

The question gave Severus a splitting headache. How could this be? He was wrong again? Hermione didn't come to Potter either?

"Harry," a soft voice calling from upstairs, "Who is it?"

Severus looked up and saw a glimpse of a red-hair girl in her bath robe. When he look down he noticed a shade of dark pink growing in Harry's face.

"It's Severus, Ginny. We will talk a little bit in the kitchen."

Severus smirked at the young wizard, "was I interrupting anything?"

"No no no..." Harry tried to hide his blush. "Come on in... Can I get you anything to drink?"

Harry didn't wait for an answer from his unexpected guest before leading him into the kitchen. He handed Severs a butterbeer and asked with great concern, "What happened?"

"Well," Severus sighed and sat down by the table. He took a drink of the butterbeer, considering his answer, "I think I might have said something that was rather, regrettable."

Harry frowned and sat down across the table from Severus. "Was it bad?"

Severus looked up at Harry and nodded, "I think so. She was not happy."

Harry thought for a moment and asked again, "So you two had a row?"

"I said she was not happy. And yes, we had a row!" Severus growled. He suddenly felt like a complete idiot talking to the Potter boy about his personal life.

"Well when you see her again, just let her know that you love her." Harry said quietly.

"Since when have you become a marriage counselor?" Severus grunted, "I did not come here for advice."

"Oh sorry... I didn't mean that." Harry got up and grabbed a butterbeer for himself. "I just thought she might had one of those moments."

"What moments?" Harry's words got Severus' attention.

"Well remember right after the war when she asked you to move with her to her new flat and you said no? She was really upset."

"I explained it to her back then. It was for her own good. I didn't want to get her into that political mess." Severus wasn't sure why Harry had to bring that up.

"She came to me then," Harry explained, "and she cried for hours. She thought the reason that you didn't want to be with her was because..."

"What?" Severus looked up at Harry intensely as Harry stopped in mid-sentence.

"She was worried that you wouldn't let her love you."

"That is absurd." Severus felt cold, as if a dementor just entered the room. He was quite used to being misunderstood by now. But by her? He did not expect this.

"Did you ever tell her that you love her?" Harry asked.

"She knows." Severus answered coolly.

"But you never said it, did you?" Harry shook his head, "It has always been her worry Severus. She has always been afraid that you have trouble trusting her. She told me that she would do anything for you. But she didn't think you would let her. She felt that it was your way of rejecting her. Did your fight have anything to do with that?"

Severus froze in his seat. His breath was caught in his throat. Yes indeed, he made a very big mistake. What he said hit a nerve that he didn't even realize was there.

Quickly Severus put down the butterbeer, and got up to make his leave. "I have to find her." He said quietly.

"Don't worry Severus," Harry followed him on the way out, "having a fight once in a while will only make you two stronger."

"Is that from personal experience?" Severus snarled.

Harry chuckled as he opened the door for Severus, "Good luck."

* * *

Standing in the street outside Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Severus was lost. He learned from Hermione that McGonagall was on a cruise trip with Poppy, and Hagrid was invited to visit Madam Maxine for the summer. So he quickly ruled out Hogwarts as Hermione's destination. As he recounted their argument, he remembered her saying that she needed to be with "reasonable people". Just where on earth would he find those reasonable people?

* * *

_**What do you think my friends? Where is his next stop? Any guesses? Look forward to your reviews.**_


	9. Chapter 9

**_Sorry about the delay... but their fight from two chapters ago still has not quite settled with me. Got a little shaken up there. =) But it'll all get better.  
_**

**_All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling._**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

The summer sun reluctantly sank towards its western home. Along the way it wrapped its lingering golden afterglow around a sweet country cottage nestling against a small green hill.

As the door of the cottage slowly opened, a wizard with sandy blond hair greeted Severus Snape with a warm smile, "Severus! What a surprise! What brought you here tonight?"

Severus didn't really expect to find Hermione here. But he finally ran out of ideas about where to go to find her after wandering purposelessly around Diagon Alley for hours. He knew she would consider the residents here "reasonable people", but he doubted that she would come here instead of visiting Weasley or Potter. Still he decided to travel down the quiet country lane and knocked on the door of the Lupins. There might be a chance she was here. And even if she wasn't, he could probably use some company of the werewolf at this moment (although he would never admit this to anyone).

Remus Lupin glanced behind Severus, as if expecting a friendly face running up the stairs. When he didn't see Hermione, Remus asked, "Is everything alright? Where's Hermione?"

Severus narrowed his eyes and growled, "If I hear that question one more time, I swear, I'm going to hex somebody."

Remus chuckled as he stepped aside and let Severus in. He didn't press on with his questions. Instead he simply said, "Would you like to join me? I was just making some tea."

Severus looked around the quiet house without a word. As if reading his mind, Remus explained, "Tonks went out with some friends for a mums' night out. Funny how they call those gatherings these days, isn't it? I just put Teddy down for the night. He was exhausted after playing outside for hours." The proud father smiled towards the nursery as he put the kettle on the stove. "Since we are on this subject, I have been waiting for the day when I can go for a dads' night out, with, you know, you, Harry, Bill, or maybe even Ron someday."

"I wouldn't recommend you holding your breath waiting for my participation." Severus snarled. Fatherhood simply did not seem possible for him, especially right at this moment.

Remus smiled at Severus response. He handed Severus a cup of tea and the two sat in complete silence for a few minutes.

"How's the moon treating you these days?" Severus was beginning to feel uncomfortable sitting in silence.

Remus looked up at his guest, slightly surprised, "Not too bad. Thanks for asking." He answered, "And thanks for the wolfsbane potion that you sent over last month. I have to say, you definitely brew it better than the potions masters at Diagon Alley."

A small smile escaped Severus' lips. It was a small gift that he sent the werewolf, as a gesture to thank him for his service as his best man at the wedding with a last minute request.

The two went back to the silence and Severus could feel Remus studying him curiously. "So..." Remus finally said, "What was the fight all about?"

Severus looked up and his gaze was met by a mischievous smile, "How did you know?"

"I guessed." The grin on Remus' face widened, "What else would bring you here if you were not looking for her? And I know you didn't come here to inquire about my lycanthropy. So tell me, what happened?"

Severus sighed and put his tea cup on the table. "I'm afraid she misunderstood me. And her Gryffindor stubbornness was insufferable."

Remus nodded slowly, "I will take the part that you said about a misunderstanding. But do remember you are talking to a Gryffindor himself." He smiled gently and continued, "We are only stubborn when we have a good reason to be."

Remus ignored Severus' icy glare and went on, "All joking aside, Hermione is a very clever young woman. I'm sure she will understand if you two talk about it. She knows you better than anyone else." Remus stopped for a moment and looked at Severus curiously, "Speaking of which, I have been wondering for a while now. How did she get to know you so well in such a short period of time? Neither of you seem like the kind of people that would rush into marriage. You weren't seeing each other when she was at school, were you?"

"No, of course not." Severus replied impatiently. He was thoroughly annoyed by the suggestion that he would breach the moral standards as a professor. Then he suddenly realized: other than Harry and Ron, Hermione never told anyone else about her travel through time. No wonder Lupin did not understand. Severus would later blamed it on his mental distraction and sleep deprivation. However as he sat in front of the werewolf, Severus decided to talk.

"Remember the witch that you met in the summer of 1983 at Hogwarts?" Severus began, ignoring Remus' frown, "the one who joined us for afternoon tea, together with Dumbledore and Lockhart..."

"How could you!" Remus stood up abruptly from his chair and boomed, "I can't believe this. Are you telling me that Rita Skeeter's story is true? Severus Snape! Are you having an affair? How can you do that to Hermione!"

Severus shot Remus a cold glance and rolled his eyes, "Now now now, who is the one that is jumping into the wrong conclusion?"

Remus slowly sat back down, "explain." He demanded in a quiet but stern voice.

"Use some logic Lupin!" Severus growled, "Think about the name she chose to call herself. Think about her stories. Why would she tell the story about a werewolf that was gentle and intelligent? I seriously doubt there are many of them out there."

Remus thought hard for a long moment and looked back at Severus with a confused expression.

Severus shook his head, frustrated, "Unbelievable... Isn't that obvious? That was you she was talking about, Lupin!"

"That was her?" Remus asked in a barely audible voice. "That was Hermione?"

Severus nodded quietly as he went on and told Remus about the curse that sent Hermione back in time and their summer together.

"And you didn't say a word when she was at Hogwarts. You didn't mention to anyone how you felt about her? Even to her?" Remus considered the information that was just presented to him, "All those years?"

Severus nodded. He then explained her trips back in time recently and his concerns. "What I should have told her was that I really needed her in those nights when she visited me." He said quietly, "but all I could think of when I discovered the truth was that she put herself in danger because of me. And it appears that she can be unbelievably stubborn when it comes to her desire to rescue me. It was unnecessary and foolish of her to risk her life."

Remus listened intently and considered his words carefully, and he finally said, "I don't think the Gryffindor stubbornness has anything to do with your fight Severus. You made a mistake that is quite similar to the one I made. Oh Merlin help us, I guess us men sometimes just don't quite get it."

Severus looked at Remus curiously as he waited for the werewolf to continue.

"When I was told that Tonks was pregnant, the first thought that came to me was that I could not protect her or our child, and that I would become the reason for their suffering. So I ran away, thinking that I made the best decision for her. But Harry talked me into senses. I was not supposed to be the one to make the decision for her. Same for you Severus, you are trying to protect Hermione by not accepting her help, which is her way of expressing her love for you. You are trying to decide for her how you want her to love you. But that simply will not work. Sorry mate, I'll have to take her side on this one."

"What a surprise," Severus growled, "Have I ever expected you to take my side?"

Remus smiled quietly as he observed the wizard in front of him. "Severus, I'm really glad to have the opportunity to get to know you. Thank you for trusting me and telling me all these. You know I am very happy for you and Hermione and only wish the best for you. Talk to her when she gets back. Think about all the things you have done for each other. I'm sure there is nothing that could ever get between you two."

Severus nodded curtly before getting up to take his leave. As he made his way towards the door he turned and said, "I can't believe I'm going to say this to you Lupin, but I'm glad to get to know you too."

* * *

When Severus apparated in front of their sea side cottage, he was first greeted by the sweet aroma of her homemade scones. His heart fluttered as he quickly made his way towards home, their home. He still wasn't sure just how exactly he would go about with his apology, but he was thrilled that she had returned. He only wanted to see her, even if she would come screaming at him. Before he could reach the steps, the door flew open and Hermione ran straight to his arms.

"Oh Severus! Where have you been? You had me worried!"

Severus let out a relieved sigh as he wrapped his arms tight around her. He was surprised that she didn't sound very angry, or angry at all. For a brief moment, Severus didn't know what to say.

He inhaled sharply before he began, "I think I need to apologize..."

She looked up at him and blinked. And then her expression suddenly turned serious, although the twinkles in her eyes threatened to give away a mischievous smile. "Oh, you think?" She ask.

"Well..." He paused and considered his words hard, "I regret my choice of words..."

"And?"

"And... for not being appreciative of your... assistance."

"What else?" She raised an eyebrow, as if challenging his answer.

"Uh... for being overly protective?" He was not sure if he got the right answer.

"You meant to say overly controlling." She corrected him.

He narrowed his eyes upon her. Controlling was not what came to his mind. He wanted to disagree, but suddenly remembered Lupin's words. "I didn't mean to control your actions, if that is what you are implying. I was only concerned about the consequences from your actions." He looked at her carefully, hoping his response was acceptable for her.

She stared at him with an unreadable expression. "You don't trust me." She finally said, her voice strained.

His eyes widened. Potter was right. "I said I regret my choice of words, Hermione!" Severus held on to Hermione's shoulders and look straight into her eyes, "I do trust you. I have always trusted you. And I love you. I just... I love you too much, so much that I fear..." He paused, and couldn't go on.

Hermione broke into a smile, tears glistening in her eyes, "You can never love me too much Severus. And what do you fear?"

Severus closed his eyes for a brief moment, as if confronting his own demon internally. Slowly he looked back at her and said, "I fear that I would lose you, love. I fear I would lose you because of my mistakes. I fear I would lose you because I couldn't protect you. And I fear I would lose you because I am not good enough for you." He was merely whispering as he finished the last few words.

Hermione ignored the tears running down her cheeks. She reached up and cup her husband's face with her hands. He closed his eyes as soon as he felt her touch, and his breaths staggered.

"Listen to me Severus Snape, I love you. You are perfect for me. Don't you ever worry about that. I know you were concerned about my safety, I figure it out after our fight. I appreciate it, very much. But I also want you to know that I love you very, very much. I can't sit there doing nothing while knowing you had to suffer through those awful years, alone. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. I guess what I'm asking is, please let me love you the way I want to love you."

Severus opened his eyes and looked into the beautiful honey brown eyes looking back at him. He smiled weakly, leaned over, and placed a gentle kiss on Hermione's lips. "Alright, I will stop worrying about you, if that is what you want."

She smiled and buried her face in his chest, "You can't stop worrying about me. It wouldn't be you if you stop worrying about me. All I'm asking is that you try to understand."

"I think I can manage that." the corner of his lips curled up and he smiled down at her.

"Come on in. I made scones." She took his hand and lead him into the house. "Hungry?"

"Famished." He answered.

"So where have you been? You still haven't answered my question." She asked him as they entered the house.

"I went looking for you, and had to deal with Weasley, Potter, and Lupin. It nearly killed me having to deal with so many Gryffindors all in one day."

She laughed as she brought out the scones and began to make tea.

"My turn." He looked at her curiously, "I thought for sure you would go to your friends' place, but you didn't. Where did you go?"

"I went to Hogwarts."

"But no one is there! It's summer holiday."

"I know. I wasn't looking for anyone's company."

"But you said you needed to be with reasonable people."

"That's because I was angry." She glanced at him playfully, "Neither one of us was being very reasonable last night. I just wanted to run away and have a little quiet time. That was all I needed. I thought about what you said and eventually began to understand. I'm sorry Severus."

"You are apologizing to me?" Severus was surprised, he looked up at Hermione and asked, "What for?"

"I'm sorry that I wasn't considerate enough. I didn't try to understand why you were angry. I was too tired. I never want to get in a fight with you again."

"We can try. But according to Potter, fights make couples stronger." Severus smirked.

"Alright, a little bit of disagreement once awhile maybe, but not a lot of fights I hope." Hermione murmured.

"Just curious, what did you pack in your bag before you ran out?" Severus eyed the beaded bag on the sofa in the living room curiously.

Hermione laughed quietly and suddenly looked a bit embarrassed.

"Well?" Severus didn't miss the subtle change in his wife's expression and pressed on.

"It was empty."

"Empty? You were running away! Why didn't you take anything with you?" Severus tried to look surprised, but a silly grin spread across his face.

"I wasn't running away." Hermione answered quietly. "I was angry and I needed some space. The bag was on the dresser so I just grabbed it on my way out. I never wanted to run away Severus. Where would I go without you?"

Before Hermione could finish her words, Severus' arms were wrapped around her. He planted small gentle kisses in her soft brown curls and whispered, "Don't ever run away from me again."

"Never." was all she said, before reaching up and meeting him with her sweet soft lips.

* * *

**There is one more question requiring some closure I think. And that will certainly be addressed next. =) Let me know what you think, pleeeease? =)**


	10. Chapter 10

**_All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling._**

**_This is what I think happened...  
_**

* * *

**Chapter 10  
**

Severus watched as Hermione made her way towards Hagrid's place, with a big barn owl perching on her shoulder.

It was a week ago when the poor bird stumbled upon the kitchen window of the Snapes' seaside cottage. Neither one of them could understand why the half-giant from Hogwarts would send an owl across the ocean to deliver a simple postcard. It was a cheerful note, sharing Hagrid's summer adventure during his visit with Madam Maxine. However, either the gamekeeper had forgotten the new location of the Snapes' new residence, or he had overlooked the challenges presented by the journey, he unknowingly sent the poor owl onto a trip that nearly ended the creature's delivery career prematurely.

"What was he thinking!" Hermione gasped as she cradled the exhausted bird.

"Obviously," Severus snarled, "he wasn't."

"I wish he dropped the postcard in the mail and had it delivered to us the muggle way." Hermione stroked the owl's brownish grey feathers as the bird panting in her arms.

Severus watched in silence as Hermione took care of the bird. Her compassion never ceased to amuse him.

When the owl finally recovered, Hermione announced her trip to Hogwarts.

"I can't let him fly all the way back again. I'm going to bring him home." Hermione told Severus one day, "I'll be back soon. You don't have to come along is you don't feel like it." She knew her husband well. Severus was never keen on unnecessary social gathering.

To her surprised however, he answered quickly, "I'll go with you." He said simply, "I have someone that I need to visit."

Hermione blinked at her husband, wanting to ask him who he had in mind to see. But his silent stares told her that it would be wise for her to hold back the question, and wait for him to volunteer his answers when he was ready.

* * *

Turning away from the view of his wife, Severus quietly made his way to the black lake. The summer was approaching its end. And the journey of time was subtly displayed by the turning leaves hovering over the black water.

In a small clearing, Severus found his destination: the white tomb.

It had been a long time since he last visited Dumbledore's resting place. The company of Hermione and the extended friendship she brought along into their relationship seemed to have driven away his lonely days. It became an empty spot that was temporarily filled. And Severus purposely neglected the urge to discover it again, until when Hermione finally showed him the "secret mission" given by the former headmaster, the hidden note in the old fairytale book that Dumbledore left with Hermione, the gift that was intended only, for Severus Snape.

Severus still remembered how his breath caught in his throat when he saw the familiar handwriting in the last page of the old copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard. Up until that moment, he was still ambivalent about Dumbledore. He thought he would always regard the old wizard as the greatest strategist in their time, a skilled manipulator, and a successful commander in a war, leading countless soldiers fighting for the right cause. Up until that moment, Severus considered himself a reluctant follower of Dumbledore's, who happened to be content with that arrangements.

Reading Dumbledore's secret note however, had proved to Severus that he had indeed missed something, and that he just might have drawn the conclusions too soon. Tracing the white marble tomb stone with his pale long fingers, Severus remembered the note.

_Dear Miss Granger,_

_I trust that this note will not present itself until you return from your interesting journey. I want to let you know that it had been a great pleasure meeting you during your unexpected visit. Thank you for dropping the hint before your departure. It has given me great comfort knowing that you will use the book well._

_Humbly I write this note today, asking you for a personal favor. There is one man in this world to whom I need to, but cannot, properly express my gratitude before I have to leave you with this book. I will not name him in this note, for the sensitivity of the matter. Yet we both know who he is. I wonder, Miss Granger, if you could deliver a personal thank you to him in an unconventional way?_

_I do not know where to begin to thank him for what he's done for our cause. He may still think that I manipulated him into doing the right things. How I want to prove him wrong! It has been, always, him, who possessed the virtue that he himself does not recognize. I am simply an old man tagging along for the ride._

_I wish he could accept the friendship I would like to offer him. Yet our past created unnecessary complications. He might still think that I accepted his assistance as part of the bargain. The truth is, there was never a bargain. It was his own choice. It has always been._

_For years I have watched him suffer. While friendship could have eased his pain, he never accepted it. Alas, he is such a private man! But you, Miss Granger, are my only hope. He loves you, even though he was too stubborn to say it to you when you left. I could see it in his eyes when he was with you. If there was anyone in this world from whom he would accept the much needed assistance, it would have to be you._

_With you I will leave the two ancient spells that will enable you to visit him when he needed you the most. You are a clever girl. I will say no more. The only thing I want to add is that I have faith in the bond between you two. And I know I will be smiling knowing what the future holds for you._

_Sincerely yours,  
_

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

* * *

Severus smiled as he recalled the his many meetings with the old headmaster in his office, going over their plans against the dark lord, discussing the politics among the wizarding world and the muggle world, or simply enjoying the muggle treats that Dumbledore acquired during his many trips. How he missed those lemon drops! And of course, it was all clear to him now. Just as Hermione had always told him, friendship began with trust. And there was no one else that Severus Snape trusted more than Dumbledore during those trying years.

Quietly Hermione found her husband and came to his side. "He knew everything, didn't he." She said softly as she laced her fingers through his.

Severus pulled her into his arms and kissed her on her forehead. "Yes he did." He sighed, "he knew just what I needed."

Hermione looked up searchingly at her husband's face, "do you still blame him for giving me the spells to go back in time?" She asked quietly.

Severus shook his head but didn't say a word. Slowly he released Hermione, holding her hand gently in his, he led her away towards the castle grounds.

As they slowly walked away from the lake, Severus murmured quietly, "Who would have guessed, that I would find a friend in Albus Dumbledore, and a lover in Hermione Granger!"

Hermione turned her head and beamed at Severus, "I would have expected you referring to me as your wife, or best friend maybe. But... lover huh?"

Severus raised his eyebrows and asked, "Does that title not work for you? What can I say? I do love you."

Hermione couldn't hide her widening grin, "I love it when you say you love me."

Severus stopped and took both of her hands in his. He frowned slightly and looked down at her, "Hermione," He began, "You do know how much I love you, don't you? Why do you need me to tell you again and again? Are words really that important?"

"Yes Severus. Those words are, indeed, quite important. But if you have to disagree," Hermione smiled mischievously at the dark-hair wizard, "you will have to prove that an alternative would convey the same feelings just as well."

Severus broke into a smile and shook his head in defeat, "Fine. Come with me, and I will prove it to you."

With a soft pop, the two love birds disappeared from the place that held their bitter sweet memories, and back to a place of their own, a place they called, home.

**.**

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**The End...**

* * *

**_Okay my friends, this is how I'm going to stop for this story. Thanks for reading and for making it such an enjoyable journey for me. From the very beginning, it had been my plan to explore Severus' feelings and his personal flaws, which turned out to be quite lovable. I do realize the rhythm of this story is significantly slower than The Final Forgiveness. I can only hope that it worked for you._**


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